A Mother's Perspective



From the title of this blog post you might assume I'm going to bestow you with little pearls of motherly wisdom--you'd be wrong. I guess that's what I get for titling my post before writing it...something I'd have advised my students a lifetime ago to avoid.

Anyway, recently it has dawned on me that things you once found so important are (hopefully) secondary or even scratched off your "whats important" list completely when you become a mother.

Here are just a few things that used to be on my "Important" list and instead what has replaced them:

INTELLIGENCE
Pre-kids: Before I had kids I thought I was a decently intelligent cookie and wanted people to think so too. I listened to NPR and watched Fox News to try and understand both sides of Geo-political and local issues and would discuss those issues in social settings. I contributed to conversations with colleagues on post-modern feminist critique and the merits of various authors from Shakespeare to Borges. Even if I didn't know 100% what I was talking about I could schmooze my way through most any topic that was being brandied about at different functions.

Now: Functions are a thing of the past as are social settings and any opportunity or reason to be discussing literature or any of the a fore-mentioned topics. Nowadays color/size/consistency of poop is a pretty hot topic. As are per-school options and the dangers of church nurseries. If for some reason I do find myself in the abandoned "adult" territories I smile and nod. I use the words, "yes" and "I know what you mean" a lot, even when I have NO CLUE what you mean. Also, I have given up my preconceived idea that I can figure out pretty much anything on my own. Now I call girlfriends with older kids all the time to ask about kid products or general discipline questions. The women at the pediatricians office know my voice so that when I call they kid of just sigh and say "Hi, Robbin. I'll see if I can get Nicole for you." Thanks, Lynette! The older I have gotten the more I realize I do not know and the things I do know (various teaching disciplines and theories, literary criticisms, etc.) I would gladly trade for things like: how to remove diarrhea stains from a couch cover; will eating dog hair harm my daughters digestion; how much TV time is too much; and at what decibel will my baby's hearing be impaired because her sister is screaming in her ear from the minute she wakes up until she goes to bed (all issues I've wondered this morning and it's not even 9 AM).

APPEARANCE:

*WEIGHT
Pre-kids: I was never skinny enough. I wanted to be a size 6 and my goal weight of 135 was always on my mind. Diets and exercise were incredibly important not for any health purpose but because I wanted to look a certain way.
 Now: I've had two kids and still only one chin. I think I'm winning.

*FASHION
 Pre-kids: I always wanted to look semi-fashionable. I had my own taste in clothing and was complemented frequently on my sense of style (or it was before I moved to the land of Birkenstocks and flannel)
Now: Yoga pant fashion doesn't really change with the seasons but I have both pants that flare and tights so I feel pretty confident that I'm rocking it.

*HAIR
Pre-kids: My goal was to keep it long for my wedding, the I cut it into a "mom bob" to be more fashionable and to look older and more mature for when I was teaching.
Now: My goal is to brush out the tangles every couple of months so I don't have dreadlocks. It's literally in a pony-bun everyday and I have to spend 15 minutes searching for a brush every tow months or so when the urge to detangle takes over. The cut no longer helps define my maturity, but the gray hairs sure do wonders on that end.

 *MAKE-UP
 Pre-kids: OK, even before kids I wasn't super great with the whole make-up thing. In Georgia I tried but when I moved out to Oregon It was a light application everyday, using make-up that I may or may not have had since my freshman year of college. I used just enough to try to cover the zits I had, which rivaled my 14 year old male students' collection of facial acne.
Now: I know where my make-up bag is. It's the thing that holds my eyebrow tweezers that I'll pull out every few weeks to trim back the caterpillars growing on my forehead. Make-up is a cute thought and I might have worn it when we id our family photos in November..I can't remember. There is an upside though--turns out when you don't use make up that it literally a decade old, your skin doesn't break out as bad! So I'm a fresh-faced 26 year old (or that's what I tell myself when I walk about the door to go to church with a little spit up on my 4 year old cardigan, hair in a sloppy bun and no make-up on my face).

*JEANS
Pre-kids: Do these make my butt look big? Are the love-handles showing? Skinny or flare? Which belt to use?
Now: If they cover the belly-button we're good. Mom jean squeeze in the pudge and make a belt a non-issue.

Before I had kids I was obsessed with how I looked. Now, I feel a little disingenuous even creating a list since my appearance has long-ago gone by the wayside. A HUGE perk though that I've found is on those rare occasions when my hair is brushed and I have lip gloss on and a shirt with buttons and real pants, the husband thinks I'm a supermodel. Thanks, babe.


If you think there is a unifying theme here, you are correct. My life is not about me. My life is all about my kids and while I do have a Bible study that I got to (Geggs still tags along) and friends and hobbies of my own, they're all secondary to my kids. Turns out, I guess I feel that how I look or what people think of me or how smart I am is just not as important as my kids are. And I want to be clear, being a mom is no excuse to being a total slob (who am I kidding...yes it is), I just place different emphasis on things now. I'd rather have happy and healthy kids than worry about the size of my butt. My kids knowing how important they are and that they are loved is more important to me than the length of my hair or the quality of conversation I can have on the rare nights I get to leave them both at home. Do I hope to one day be one of those mother's who looks like she just walked out of an Anne Taylor magazine when she runs her kids to school, you betcha! But for now I'll stick close to home and dance with my babies in my pajama pants and take top with spit-up stains.

God has given me these two wonderful little creatures. I know they're His kids and I pray I can raise them to know and love Him and that they know their looks and people's opinions of them are all secondary to their relationship with God. 

PS-I know this is not the place for this but I know my mom will read this and hopefully remind me when the time comes: I want to frame some atlas pages from Georgia and hang it up somewhere.

OK, this goes back to the "intelligence" section but it smells like diaper duty time around here. Be jealous.

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