tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17249430474314780972024-03-05T00:49:41.868-08:00From Grits to GranolaCataloging my (mis)adventures in Oregon, marriage, and parenting one post at a time. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-38182222803902911842019-09-25T13:34:00.000-07:002019-09-25T13:40:52.697-07:00I Prayed for McDonald’s<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjKrlS4DKbuc73JDZHVb2IEFJoXOKr6d5s4oR3-IyP05BdX16NdaO-_-mI0UKDL39Hrk9g884Ca6f1kpGau5Fo9aqJIGRuxcaz_Wsbxpt3Io7mpQoxK1urXoiem6d9EFXIPVsC1bXztiKP/s1600/mcdonalds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjKrlS4DKbuc73JDZHVb2IEFJoXOKr6d5s4oR3-IyP05BdX16NdaO-_-mI0UKDL39Hrk9g884Ca6f1kpGau5Fo9aqJIGRuxcaz_Wsbxpt3Io7mpQoxK1urXoiem6d9EFXIPVsC1bXztiKP/s320/mcdonalds.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was a youth (I'm not gonna say when I was “little” because at a BMI hovering
around 35% for most of my life “little” is, at best, an incredibly misleading portrayal
of me during childhood) one of my favorite meals was a Super-Sized Big Mac Meal
with Dr. Pepper. I’d eat that meal whenever, wherever it was offered. My
affinity for the Golden Arches was so great that even those 3 days I claimed to
be vegetarian in the 7<sup>th</sup> grade did not deter—I just gobbled up a double
order of fries…because that was healthier, obviously. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fast forward 20 years and I now have a BMI in the healthy
range, and 4 kids for whom I am responsible for keeping alive and turning into
decent human beings. While my kids have consumed their fair share of Happy
Meals, I generally try to feed them a healthy, balanced diet. I never restrict
how much they eat (unless it’s sugar or absolute crap, like chips or fruit
snacks) but I try to keep an eye on what they’re eating and encourage healthy
choices. I pride myself on a balanced approach, and my kids are generally healthy,
non-picky eaters because of that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Generally. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My husband is currently on a 2-week hunting trip (okay, ten
days but a nice, round two weeks makes me sound like more of a martyr). It is inevitable
that anytime he leaves for longer than a couple of days, shit hits the fan—which
is weird as I do 75-80% of the parenting when he is around (he’s busy with the
whole “supporting the family” nonsense our finically-driven society demands,
but whatever)—I chalk it up to one of those laws of physics: the inverse relationship
between dad’s physical proximity to children and mom’s ability to handle their shenanigans.
This correlation doesn’t usually present itself until a couple days into my
husband’s absence. Most of the time, days 1-2 are pretty smooth sailing. The
kids are usually tucked into bed earlier than usual, everyone is fed and taken
to where they need to be (school and soccer and horseback riding and violin, oh my!) and
my patience well is moderately full. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For instance, this trip, my husband left on Saturday. After
he pulled away, I took down our redneck riviera sized above ground pool, did
some laundry, made some chili and watched Georgia beat Notre Dame. Sunday,
while we didn’t go to church, we talked a lot about Jesus, went to three
different stores and bought fall décor. Got home, we decorated the house and I
got down in the floor and played both Jenga and Twister with the rugrats. We
had friends over and ate pizza and I watched the Emmys with my girlfriend while
all six kids ran around and played. I was winning at the parenting game.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then came Monday.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d like to blame my grouchy mood on the fact that I started
getting a cold over the weekend, but more likely it was my Downton Abbey
marathon session that had me up until 12:30 AM that was the culprit--I don't do well on little sleep. But whether it was my cold or poor life
choices, I got up already a little tense. My girls had asked to shower that morning
so when I went into the kitchen to start breakfast my eldest was standing
there, in the middle of the floor, confused and sad-looking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The following is an honest and accurate representation of
our interaction:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: What’s wrong, Rugurat?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her: (*tearfully*) My hair is making my back wet!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: (*slow blinks*)…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her: (*inconsolable noises*)…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: (*slow blinks*)…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her:…(tears and snot everywhere)…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: Well, did you ever consider putting your hair in a ponytail
or, I don’t know, a towel?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her: (*still visibly upset*) Okay…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That kicked started my incredibly compassionate speech about
how I have always had a very low tolerance for stupidity and standing there
crying about wet hair making her shirt wet was, without a doubt, stupid.
(Please hold the Mom-of-the-Year Awards, it gets better).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After finally getting her hair tied away and off of her
back, I proceeded to make everyone bacon and eggs and toast and smoothies. Thankfully,
four offerings afforded each child the opportunity to voice their own unique complaint
about breakfast.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I’m sure you can image, I was incredibly graceful about
all of the whining and in no way retaliated by throwing their ingratitude back in
their cherubic faces because I am not a monster. I also handled the 5-year old’s
inability to find socks for 30 minutes in a similarly graceful fashion and did
not toss the balled-up pair which had been on the floor, laid out specifically
for him, directly at his gap-toothed grin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the eldest couldn’t find the shin guards and socks I
had (repeatedly) asked her to place in her soccer bag the night before I
absolutely did not lose my cool and give her another lecture on how stupid/lazy
actions do not make one stupid and lazy but they surely don’t offer any evidence
to the contrary. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally managed to get everyone dropped off and they only kicked
out one loose receipt in the drop-off line; but, beware of false prophets, my
friends. Do not take such a miracle as a positive sign of things to come. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because when I picked them up from school that day—the
madness ensued. I had made the tentative game plan to get them McDonald’s for
dinner that night to keep things less chaotic—Mondays we have horseback riding
and soccer and won’t usually get home before 7:30. I told them this as they
piled in and everyone seemed happy with the idea, even though there was one or two
calls for alternate fast food establishments. From school pick-up, we drive 30
minutes one-way for my 2<sup>nd</sup> born’s horseback riding lessons. Twenty
minutes into our drive, she asked me if I had remembered her boots. I
respectfully told her that I did not take horseback riding lessons and was
therefore not responsible for making sure “I” had everything I need. (Note that
consistent parenting, folks. If you’ll recall, earlier I was annoyed that my
eldest had neglected to collect her soccer gear even though I had repeatedly reminded
her. Now, I was disproportionately annoyed with my younger daughter for
suggesting I should have reminded her to grab her boots). I’m a good mom.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We wound up being a little early for lessons so I took
everyone to BiMart where I bought my daughter some rain boots to wear to her lesson
and snacks for everyone else. I don’t know the last time you were in a BiMart,
but they aren’t exactly known for their fresh, organic produce. With the 4 o’clock
Hangry Monster rearing its ugly head in the form of my precious off-spring, I
opted to get them crap for snacks and forego the McDonald’s for a healthy meal
at home that evening. In the hour that they watched their sibling at her
lesson, my other three ate an entire bag of Goldfish, applesauce pouches, and a
granola bar each (even though I was told by a son that, “[I] don’t like the
ones with nuts in them, Moooooooooom! Fine! I eat noting!”—then he proceeded to
eat it anyway). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The instructor has a daughter my sons’ age and so they spent
the time playing together—she shared her snacks with them and took them around
the arena on adventures. Sweet kid. As I was finishing up with the instructor, I saw the
little girl crying near our van. When I went over to check on her, I was told
that one of my boys HAD TRIED TO CLOSE HER IN THE VAN DOOR. Y’all, I have never
been so pissed or embarrassed in all my years of parenting. I obviously apologized
to the little girl, and her parents, profusely. I also told the girl more than
once that if one of my kids ever did that again to knock him on the ground and
that I would have a wooden spoon conference with my son when we finally got
home that evening. I berated my kid on the way to soccer and lectured him over
and over again about how boys should never hurt girls and how only idiots hit
people first (a mantra in our household, followed quickly by the directive that
if anyone ever hits you first, you better hit them back. Yeah, my roots are in Appalachia.). Anyway, you might be
surprised to hear that after the first few minutes of my lecture, the 5-year
old tuned me out. I say all of this, not to suggest my son might be a psychopath—honestly
this is the first time he’s ever done anything like that and I was just really
ill-equipped with how to handle it—but rather to walk you through where I was
at mentally at this point, which, if you can’t tell, was somewhere between
needing to lock myself in the closet for a few minutes and that mom from
Massachusetts who went out for milk and was found 15 years later in Key West
living under an assumed name.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point you might imagine I’d call an audible and
force my eldest to skip practice so we could go home and decompress, but no. It
was SO important to make sure she didn’t miss even one, that we went to soccer
practice where she proceeded to skip on the field for an hour and I fumed that I
couldn’t abandon my kids to walk a few loops around the fields. Again, super selfless
lady over here. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After an hour and ten minutes practice was over, so we left
and when we got home I yelled for everyone to get into the shower so I could
gent dinner ready, which was really worth the effort since, during the whopping
10 minutes I’d allotted for them to eat, I got to listen to them complain about
the pesto pasta and salad I’d made. Finally, it was bedtime and I rushed
everyone through their prayers so that I could collapse in my bed. Except, of
course I couldn’t collapse because the kitchen was a disaster from cooking
dinner so I stayed up an additional 30 minutes cleaning the kitchen and straightening
the house after our whirlwind of an evening. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look, I’m not over here playing the world’s smallest violin.
Writing all of this down, with a little distance between me and Monday, I've gained some perspective and realize I probably come off as the villain that day
(which, okay, fair assessment) but, incidentally, that perspective is what I prayed
for that night when my head finally hit the pillow. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like parents are constantly juggling, right? And I know
for me, it seems like the more balls I have in the air, the more I focus on the
ones that don’t really matter, and lose sight of the ones that are really important
to hold up. As lay in bed that night I just kept thinking about how I had
failed at motherhood that day. In the grand scheme of things, the world would
not have stopped spinning if I had made my daughter skip soccer so we could
have a night home together and not rush through dinner and bedtime; my kids and
I would all have been better off had I used even a portion of the time I wasted
lecturing at them to ask about their days instead; I could have spent time at
the fields investing in my kids instead of hanging out with my girlfriend,
wishing I was at the gym instead. Or maybe if I had gone to McDonald’s like I’d
initially planned, instead of worry about if what they were eating would pass some food pyramid assessment, I would have had an additional 30 minutes or an hour with
the kids where I was focused on <i>them</i>, not something <i>for</i> them. I
wouldn’t have had to cook when we got home, they could have eaten at the field
while their sister was in her practice or heck, even in our (very cool) van on
the way home so we all could have just sat together for a while and gone through
our day in a real, meaningful way, instead of the rushed, grudging few minutes
we had that evening. It seems like a dumb, silly little thing but I prayed to
be okay with McDonald’s—that I would be okay letting go of the temporal things
I feel are important in order to embrace other things which allow me to really
invest in my kids; to learn how to keep my focus trained on my kids and what
they really need, which, newsflash, being a mom who isn’t a completely stressed-out lunatic matters just a little bit more than occasionally letting them eat whatever chemicals
MickyD’s passes off as a chicken nugget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-35211976473763833812019-02-27T14:35:00.000-08:002019-02-27T14:38:37.938-08:00Winter Wonderland<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUaq8QZ5phL37WphImCU_Qvw5f3zlp7o5WWD0UddIGylzbu-ojfYCeH27cVFSwTqVnE0ZI5TnQsSPIU9Qy4Bo9T5Q-kmH6Kj3cJo858YNfPAzzihEyVkGdyPlINvcGNB6umrvrbNWmNOGc/s1600/winter+wonderland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUaq8QZ5phL37WphImCU_Qvw5f3zlp7o5WWD0UddIGylzbu-ojfYCeH27cVFSwTqVnE0ZI5TnQsSPIU9Qy4Bo9T5Q-kmH6Kj3cJo858YNfPAzzihEyVkGdyPlINvcGNB6umrvrbNWmNOGc/s320/winter+wonderland.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just received notification on my phone that school was
cancelled tomorrow, so naturally all this snow should start melting away any
minute*. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This kind of preemptive warning or cautious decision making
would have been nice 24 hours ago, when, without any warning whatsoever, it
started to blizzard in Roseburg.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, usually I’m not one of those doom-and-gloomers when it
comes to a little snow, but the meteorologists really screwed
the pooch on this one.** And look, full disclosure: I have a somewhat shaky relationship
with meteorologists as it—my first unrequited love was for the oh-so-suave Ken
Cook of Atlanta’s Fox 5 Action News (Google him, I'll wait), and that coupled with the fact that the
only kind-of-meteorologist I ever knew in real like was a complete douche,
well, let’s just say I have deep-seeded trust issues with the whole breed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But come on, people. My hang-ups with weather people aside,
we can all agree that they f’ed this one up. I mean, it started snowing at 3 PM
yesterday (***) and even at 6 PM the forecast was calling for upper 50s and a
chance of rain. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Had I any inkling I’d be snowed in without power for God-only-knows-how-long
with all four of my precious children and their father, I’d have stocked up on
all the storm essentials our mixed backgrounds require: a loaf of bread and
milk (shout out to all my Southern storm preppers), kale and kombucha (because apparently
that’s a thing in Oregon) and booze (my sanity demands it).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, no. It’s going on day 2 of snowpocolypse and it’s
basically the Hunger Games over here****. I’m like the scrappy District 12 folk
with my badass survival skills sending me out to the woodshed like Ma freaking
Ingalls every 90 minutes and the kids are residents of the Capital, demanding
only the finest food and entertainment. Thankfully, once we have the daily “there-is-no-electricity-I-can’t-make-pancakes”
conversation, we can boil up some water on one of my husband’s 4,692 jet boil/camp
stove things and whip ‘em up some super tasty freeze-dried foods.*****</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My usual parenting hack at this point would be to send the
kids outside and lock the doors behind them so that they’re unable to come in
until dark, but we’ve had trees falling like dominions around here so the kids
would just be confined to the back porch, but that’s where the 2-stroke
generator my mother-in-law’s brothers gave us for a wedding present a decade
ago is loudly chugging the hard-siphoned gas my husband painstakingly pumped
out of the boat’s fuel tank in order to, not keep our children warm, but to keep
the 2 fridges and freezers up and running so that hard-earned deer/elk/salmon/Costco
bags of frozen green beans don’t thaw out into the world’s most expensive pile
of moldy food….what I’m saying is, the kids can’t go outside. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, instead, we’ve been devising fun games to play like
Artist Pallet—where all four kids lay on their pallets in the living room floor
while two kids judge the other two on their drawing skills. The parallels between
the format of the game and that of a certain popular British baking show should
cause me shame over the amount of cooking shows they’ve been exposed to in their
young lives but part of the judgement is having to come up with something nice
to say about each drawing (because that’s what Paul and Mary would do) so at
least they’re not being jerks. Unlike when the Legos come out, which is a no
holds barred, all-out brawl over one particular piece (never mind there are
literally 1,499 other pieces for them to use). The appearance of this room
which has been occupied by 6 humans for 2 days straight is greatly
enhanced by the lack of power and the dimness of firelight, but watch out:
under the deceptively soft glow lies the sharp, jagged landmines 1,000s of spilled pieces of
those very same Legos.****** </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Spoiler alert: It didn’t</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
** My oldest has been talking recently about how
she wants to be a meteorologist when she grows up. The evidence would suggest she is already as
qualified as the jokers that missed this snow. #dreamscometrue</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
***3 PM four score and 7 years ago at this point</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
****Going on day 200</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*****Never thought I’d be thankful for my husband’s tendency
to hoard all things camping and hunting related, but here we are. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
******2,000 days straight. </div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-60500078458588070082018-11-07T14:42:00.000-08:002018-11-08T06:27:07.572-08:00Because adolescence wasn’t awkward enough…<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m giving you all a glimpse into mine as I clean out my
childhood bedroom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The kids and I are in Georgia for the week visiting my parents
while the husband is on an elk hunt in Eastern Oregon. When we come out here, we stay with my folks. Now, my parents take care of my nephews
some of the time so their house has been actively hosting children for the past
22 years…. that is, <i>most</i> of their house has been actively hosting children.
While my sisters' old rooms have been maintained as bedrooms for my nephews
(and now my kids when we visit), my old bedroom has turned into general dump
storage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Old cuckoo clock for our first trip to Germany? Put it in
Robbin’s room. The old family cradle? Robbin’s room. Huge paintings and
furniture that our neighbors didn’t want when they moved 10 years ago?
Definitely needs to go upstairs to the middle child's room. That, combined with the fact the my sisters took advantage
of my being the first to move out of the house and subsequently used my room as
a second closet…well, the result is something straight out of a hoarder’s
paradise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, this trip, I finally decided to bite the bullet and
clean up my room. Below, please find a long but by no means comprehensive list
of some of the treasures I rummaged through this afternoon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve included photographic evidence for your viewing pleasure.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ll start with the Barbies. I collected Barbies for
roughly 20 years, and my Granny would still buy me the annual holiday Barbie
every Christmas up until she died, in 2017. This is conservatively 1/10 of my
entire Barbie collection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRW27xx8bl6EP7havXJp3oHYqj7FnaJeBjRM7ovWzm1H8KpdLiiAMBPTIVrTxOgd5fhyphenhyphen2Bl-9iIRVNLpygPkfLvlqEKYiyIFOLJFa84gLFvhNJqWVgQ5sz9ktL_yadC3yAmDb6yY_1MfMA/s1600/barbie1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="778" data-original-width="1600" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRW27xx8bl6EP7havXJp3oHYqj7FnaJeBjRM7ovWzm1H8KpdLiiAMBPTIVrTxOgd5fhyphenhyphen2Bl-9iIRVNLpygPkfLvlqEKYiyIFOLJFa84gLFvhNJqWVgQ5sz9ktL_yadC3yAmDb6yY_1MfMA/s320/barbie1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->When I wasn’t gazing longingly at my boxes and boxes of unopened Barbies, I was honing my skill as a wordsmith,
as is evidenced by this journal from 1993. Clearly I have always had a knack
for the written word, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which is apparent in this enthralling piece I wrote on my little sister’s “varre strag chaup”
habits. Investigative journalism at it’s finest. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELIQIJhEnwtnEXQ1eMWuMO41y0WDxNj5buG8OBiesgixpNoJkBV9-r9QSTLihBafg8q3UX2b1K7PkQml_SJcCTvCo5NRqlivmNA7KwHQGgPuYIa_zOB_m9G_aTSFteRSBR_e3-Rh9kxEb/s1600/1993+journal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELIQIJhEnwtnEXQ1eMWuMO41y0WDxNj5buG8OBiesgixpNoJkBV9-r9QSTLihBafg8q3UX2b1K7PkQml_SJcCTvCo5NRqlivmNA7KwHQGgPuYIa_zOB_m9G_aTSFteRSBR_e3-Rh9kxEb/s320/1993+journal.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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<o:p> Not only was I a dedicated journaler, I was a stickler for calendaring my many, many social appointments. </o:p></div>
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<i>#JTTforLife</i></div>
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In addition to my artistic calendars, I had a wide array of tastefully appointed pieces on my walls (like a
framed print of the Leonardo DiVinci painting used in the Drew Barrymore
classic, <i>Ever After </i> and a Thomas Kinkade print in a bronze frame<i>)</i> and tucked into the edges of the mirror over my ornate (read: gaudy) dresser. I still
had this gem tucked into the corner of that mirror, along with one of my 4th grade best
friend in her coordinating Pooh shirt, circa 1996. I also had one of my mom at Christmas in the depths of her blue eye-shadow phase, and a baby
picture of one of my friends from high school that for some unknown reason was given to me by his mother. It was a hard pick but finally I settled on showing you the pic of the best lookin’ kid in the bunch, so feast your eyes:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p> I know what you're thinking, but y</o:p>ou don’t get that rockin’ bod by <i>just</i> reading smut novels
that are incredibly inappropriate for your age and damaging to your mental development, you’ve also got to work on it with
hours and hours of bench riding. Which brings me to my next item. TBH, I almost sold this because of the mint
condition; "like new with tags" except for the scuffing on the custom paint job caused by 20
years of junk being carelessly tossed on top it in the dark recesses of my
closet. </div>
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<o:p>*Wobbin was my "nickname", since yours truly would naturally have a speech impediment with the letter"R" up until high school. I choose to believe my mother meant well.</o:p></div>
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All that bench riding does an imagination good though, and
in 2000 I returned to my first love of writing. I won’t intimidate you with my
genius by letting you actually read anything that 14 year old Robbin wrote, but
suffice it to say there was an entire page dedicated to how I liked the color gray…deep
stuff. Also, more than one page was spent detailing why<i> both</i> my middle/high
school crush and Prince William were actually my soulmates; and, there may or
may not be a disturbingly specific plan to open a Western-themed amusement park
in Montana. <span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_7"
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As I’m sure you’ve guessed from the contents of my journals,
and my natural good looks, my social life was POPPIN’, which is why yours truly
had not only a pager, but also this indestructible bad boy, which I am willing
to bet $100 would still turn on if they made chargers to fit it anymore.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIFF-H9Kfvp3HlcU40W9HIWys9BchiwkqfenS3sFLat_hkjsug9T4f0IhUhAf_qz5mP0Lg8Kh0i4wroc-_c6ptpGzrGC3rM8DAP1AYepNiJIvL0wJ5Vxhx5ylNYTm3rktFbGJ8ostYg2Sf/s1600/athlete+and+pager.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="823" data-original-width="591" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIFF-H9Kfvp3HlcU40W9HIWys9BchiwkqfenS3sFLat_hkjsug9T4f0IhUhAf_qz5mP0Lg8Kh0i4wroc-_c6ptpGzrGC3rM8DAP1AYepNiJIvL0wJ5Vxhx5ylNYTm3rktFbGJ8ostYg2Sf/s320/athlete+and+pager.jpg" width="229" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh90h7WX_qbnLM7xMjVbQgkG0-M5qZ6ro0F2G8RrJuBy2xzbl-xAgf_QpVtJtTm4rHFxOKXabVXdJmmteWElBO__TMNnsSIvqv9FNWYcOTERV3n37g9KX1UzcLo5ozkiE3TZbBwDgmPOdJW/s1600/chello+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1285" data-original-width="927" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh90h7WX_qbnLM7xMjVbQgkG0-M5qZ6ro0F2G8RrJuBy2xzbl-xAgf_QpVtJtTm4rHFxOKXabVXdJmmteWElBO__TMNnsSIvqv9FNWYcOTERV3n37g9KX1UzcLo5ozkiE3TZbBwDgmPOdJW/s320/chello+%25282%2529.jpg" width="230" /></a><br />
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If the Nokia would charge you’d see the only 3 numbers
programmed into the phone were my parents house, my grandparent’s house, and my
best friend’s house. And with so many friends I was talking to, it's a good thing I had all of these key-chains...so I could find the only key on the ring, which went to my parents' house...since I couldn't drive until almost my senior year of high school.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1SOs7vPf-aVtykyUtMZQ7gVdrJ9GwIHzoZUOhhy5ZlRS13zFyTJmKT8pBEIkhz4zg5zVrLxD0kZ4grvrnG94zpyoG7pXR08XGXVFohmns2iWpYpI7n-1nvpd52n5LlVzLPMwEBIPUkjp1/s1600/one+key.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1SOs7vPf-aVtykyUtMZQ7gVdrJ9GwIHzoZUOhhy5ZlRS13zFyTJmKT8pBEIkhz4zg5zVrLxD0kZ4grvrnG94zpyoG7pXR08XGXVFohmns2iWpYpI7n-1nvpd52n5LlVzLPMwEBIPUkjp1/s320/one+key.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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My one friend lived in a nearby swim/tennis community and I guess I could have worn these joggers to huff it over to her house since I couldn't drive, but my swarthy build did not lend itself to movement beyond the fridge. Thankfully, these have been held onto for the last two decades and I am now able to invite you to feast your eyes on this sexy ensemble.
Not gonna lie, bringing these swishy joggers and fanny pack back with me to Oregon; thinking I could sew a couple of swatches of this material into the kids' clothes so I would know where they are at <i>at all times</i>. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihCX0dDljxIEavXLZoedKXyNp0HHZ41wgAP2YQAxOtAzcs-I6oU3S99FHw533RkMV9Qm573PnDB4bvHZk9_IQ69UBd1fnp60eLRkFi16f6IlukazROQ7B6cccwFYjOSF3_rax2x_5lj8y-/s1600/fanny+pack+and+swishy+pants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1181" data-original-width="979" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihCX0dDljxIEavXLZoedKXyNp0HHZ41wgAP2YQAxOtAzcs-I6oU3S99FHw533RkMV9Qm573PnDB4bvHZk9_IQ69UBd1fnp60eLRkFi16f6IlukazROQ7B6cccwFYjOSF3_rax2x_5lj8y-/s320/fanny+pack+and+swishy+pants.jpg" width="265" /></a></div>
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I'm thinking the pants and fanny pack will pair nicely with these knock off Doc Martin’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCOkmGzm-jxAAJWWP4rG4D9gUNBHJ12P8nvdjz9apAq5gudMMu4fNXMzd1FQdpPMme7o6SrblBaWREDpf7sROre-y9TtN6_YkVXoHCt_YnQSASGa_Rl5psms9gUZMAqHAibB1XtNsQoAJQ/s1600/Fake+DM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCOkmGzm-jxAAJWWP4rG4D9gUNBHJ12P8nvdjz9apAq5gudMMu4fNXMzd1FQdpPMme7o6SrblBaWREDpf7sROre-y9TtN6_YkVXoHCt_YnQSASGa_Rl5psms9gUZMAqHAibB1XtNsQoAJQ/s320/Fake+DM.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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Now only if I had a shredded, decades old American Eagle
visor to top is all off…<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape
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And don’t tell me I don’t have a sense of fashion—I mean,
look at how I decorated my bedroom! Are you really gonna sit there and try to
tell me that a 4-poster bed, gilded comforter and dark, olive green paint *isn’t*
the interior design aesthetic of all 13 year old girls everywhere?!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGHj6zLFKPMM6Fh6zSPXFR31n1eU0pjIgqAHSvq6jK32lPRrh2N4QikUB1Fv9FXy91Ry0OuIOXUVuPlY1U_kmDGzghZLH9Itc_Zrb_9iedHTT051-bW2UibijIvcXOO2EbE78cHReBpUfK/s1600/guilded+comforter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGHj6zLFKPMM6Fh6zSPXFR31n1eU0pjIgqAHSvq6jK32lPRrh2N4QikUB1Fv9FXy91Ry0OuIOXUVuPlY1U_kmDGzghZLH9Itc_Zrb_9iedHTT051-bW2UibijIvcXOO2EbE78cHReBpUfK/s320/guilded+comforter.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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<o:p> </o:p>If you insist on saying that I had no taste, well, my excuse is that I was practically
blind for the first 20 years of my life. I actually got Lasik when I was 19 or 20
years old because my mother told me that <i>WHEN
I GET KIDNAPPED they will take advantage of [me] when they realize [I’m]
blind!</i> Before that I wore coke bottle glasses and contacts. This wasn’t
even my last prescription so I’m guessing this bad boy is….18 years old?</div>
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Also, I know it’s a little late but I’d like to cordially
invite you and 75 of your closest friends to my high school graduation, because that’s
at least how many invitations and thank you notes I found in the gigantic
stationary box buried beneath my sister’s old volleyball bag. <o:p></o:p></div>
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No worries, if you’re afraid you might run late to the
ceremony, I’ll lend you my Senate watch. Remember how EVERYONE was wearing these?!Y’all still have yours laying around,
right? RIGHT?!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmwS6BAzSv28jds6bKWZh3Mm5rgm4uqkGqns3US6p1dKNjrhvH4JRTSOCFzPmfebTvHNfW-akRrPh1AJTRVhk9OB452LVthKPCmYAzcoCKcKiEDCwnt-QTuLrWJtOmukpIYq9q6FazdX3K/s1600/watch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1580" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmwS6BAzSv28jds6bKWZh3Mm5rgm4uqkGqns3US6p1dKNjrhvH4JRTSOCFzPmfebTvHNfW-akRrPh1AJTRVhk9OB452LVthKPCmYAzcoCKcKiEDCwnt-QTuLrWJtOmukpIYq9q6FazdX3K/s320/watch.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Speaking of time, pretty sure it stood still when this
happened:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr4hAOu04x5ymYHnq5Nox3PSPYgWnBj_4_MvnYdHmMs620wpGgrds9UV6YUKDLwUP5W6tLR7hO41Db3JooR5QUEjiaeX2rrOQFOIa4mmwlleoEkIUorVoTdAPsrdCsRS_vI-Mgnwp4Rob_/s1600/My+BF+Ty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr4hAOu04x5ymYHnq5Nox3PSPYgWnBj_4_MvnYdHmMs620wpGgrds9UV6YUKDLwUP5W6tLR7hO41Db3JooR5QUEjiaeX2rrOQFOIa4mmwlleoEkIUorVoTdAPsrdCsRS_vI-Mgnwp4Rob_/s320/My+BF+Ty.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape
id="Picture_x0020_18" o:spid="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style='width:234pt;
height:381.5pt;visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square'>
<v:imagedata src="file:///C:/Users/robbi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image032.jpg"
o:title="" croptop="11783f" cropbottom="15170f" cropleft="6242f" cropright="10611f"/>
</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span>I say I’m pretty sure because I
honestly have no recollection of this ever happening. Where was I? When was this? WHO WAS I WITH?! Someone
had to take the picture….I will give you this entire bag of old newspapers if
you tell me who was with me. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKBvSB7M3Sc82398yIjqpFw0wH38197RPZfJ_YUVCSMeTPRuzYD_Hl604y3lODKiUhHjhMpAM56Sfso3I3oWKasHkS51mL_r_Dxt53CKOG4o5NQ5e15mlrxzqsQuj6fBXDlHOultjz1t8S/s1600/newspapers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="778" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKBvSB7M3Sc82398yIjqpFw0wH38197RPZfJ_YUVCSMeTPRuzYD_Hl604y3lODKiUhHjhMpAM56Sfso3I3oWKasHkS51mL_r_Dxt53CKOG4o5NQ5e15mlrxzqsQuj6fBXDlHOultjz1t8S/s320/newspapers.jpg" width="155" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<o:p>And y'all, that barely grazes the surface. Like I said, there is an incredible amount of stuff I have to wade through up there. I am making slow but sure progress--I filled five heavy duty contractor bags in the span of two hours yesterday. </o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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Oh, well. If I have to spend my time in GA reliving my youth, at least I can rest easy in the knowledge that I have always been really, really cool. And now the internet has the pictures to prove it.</div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-51488769140532836162018-09-11T11:36:00.000-07:002018-09-11T11:36:17.087-07:00Stage Five<br />
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The Five Stages of Grief Are:</div>
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1. Denial</div>
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2. Anger</div>
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3. Bargaining</div>
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4. Depression</div>
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5. Acceptance</div>
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There’s no easy way to say this, so here goes:<o:p></o:p></div>
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We’re considering getting a Ford Transit Van. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ll give you a minute to collect yourself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Good? Okay. First of all, let’s not pretend you aren’t
laughing at me, as even my sweet Gran cackled in my ear when I told her what D
and I were considering. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But, y’all, I have four kids. And four kids is a weird number, especially
when they’re packed as close together like mine are. And in case you’re
thinking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Damn girl, get yourself a </i><i>Suburban</i> I say this: have you sat in the 3<sup>rd</sup> row of a Suburban
lately? Because I have, and my knees impaled my meager, nursed-four-kids-boobs.
I was folded up like a human taco, and it was ugly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“But your kids are little, they’ll have more leg room than
you!” True, for another 2 years, tops. Clearly you’re ignoring that these kids got
half their genes from my husband, who at 6.6 feet tall is like an x-Man whose
only superpower is the ability to cause cricks in the neck of anyone to whom he
speaks. Let’s just say, I’m banking on my kids not being tiny, so they’re gonna
need the leg room.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Well then, get a minivan!” Dude, I have a minivan. And already
I can’t go to Costco and the regular grocery store in the same trip…and you
better believe I have to go to both stores to feed my growing brood. And forget
road trips longer than an hour: between the car seats and the snack bags and single
purse, there is barely room for the tablets that, until you have 4 kids, you
will never know how necessary they are to the sanity of every person with the
ability to perceive sound.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But look, I know they’re not cool. And I know to people with
a normal-sized family that they seem like over-kill—I know this! But honestly,
I see no other option. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, for the sake of any other woman who might be faced with this
decision, I’ve written this blog post. In solidarity and resignation of the
fact that, in the same way the 18 years our kids live with us our bodies are
not ours, so too our cars do not belong to us, but rather exist solely for the
service of our children: to drive them to school, and soccer, and AWANA, and violin…and slowly, us to insanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Least you think I arrived at this decision lightly, let me
tell you that even the man whose name is on the side of the local Chevy
dealership recommended I get a Ford Transit van. I’ve thought so long about this that I even come up with some basic
guidelines for operation that may or may not already be included the manual, like
to not idle too long at intersections for fear that someone will hop on and
expect to be driven to the next stop, to park across the street when we go to
church so the youth group doesn’t pile in after Sunday service, and generally
stay away from youth sports teams, construction crews, and prisoners cleaning
up trash on the roadside. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I feel like the writing is on the wall on this one and I’m
going to have to accept my fate in the most gracious way I can and it is in
that spirit that I humbly offer these suggestions to any person who happens
across this blog and who might also be working for Ford Motor Co. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Transit Vans, we’re not even trying for sexy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Transit vans, we won’t fit in a standard parking space, but
your kids will be so far back you won’t have to listen to them complain about
where you park.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Transit vans, not just for work crews anymore.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Transit Vans, where your cool goes to die at 13.1 MPG.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway, I’ll let you guys know when we get it. Not by way of
another blog post but because we’ll be the only people in town driving one that
doesn’t have the name of some kind of non-profit wrapped around the side. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-52468624181559880332017-10-19T16:15:00.001-07:002017-10-19T16:15:22.568-07:00For a Minute There I Thought Christmas Had Come Early
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You may or may not remember that my husband and I made the
smart decision NOT to move out to a Mormon mansion in the middle of nowhere but
to instead bought a normal-sized house closer to town. Since we made that
purchase over 5 months ago, I have been carefully curating items for our new
home (read: Pottery Barn now owns our first-born child). </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anyway, the spending spree is almost complete and we have
just about all of the furniture we need to fill up rooms we didn’t have back at
the 143 – y’all, this Southern girl has a formal dining and you better believe
the first thing I did was buy miles of toile wallpaper to slap up on the walls.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also went out and purchased too-short but very old table
for said formal dining room that has been languishing under the onslaught of
daily family meals, since the movers broke our previous cheap—I mean vintage—kitchen
table.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, today our new kitchen table and chairs arrived and,
let me just tell you, Christmas has come early. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not only do I experience the joy of actually having a
kitchen table (thereby allowing me to relocate our other, larger table to its
rightful spot in the formal dining) but also, the furniture is the gift that
keeps on giving as the boys promptly declared the cardboard box the chairs
arrived in, a rocket ship. The huge box that once held the table is now cut in
two, serving the dual purpose of a “boat” and a stage; presents for everyone!</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Christmas aesthetic is strong as well since the Styrofoam
that held all of the furniture snuggly in their boxes has been ripped into about
a billion pieces and now our living room is covered in white.</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And not to neglected, we’ve even experienced our own
early-Christmas miracle in the form of not a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">single</i> child whining when I told them we needed to clean up all of
the “snow.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">**I’ve just finished documenting this miracle and in the
time it took to write it, more “snow” has been produced, a sister ruined the
rocket because she was angry a brother wouldn’t share, the other sister is
crying because she doesn’t know how to imagine a boat and the other boy is at
my elbow demanding food.</span></div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span>Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-64961714406203281102017-04-04T13:34:00.002-07:002017-04-04T14:09:09.742-07:00The Five Stages of Moving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfj1mwvpjmMQ7GNtk9fHPOFIlRf9pebD9Fa_2KB_VO3qOWT_amCiC7Bbu8nF_wCNTN3erUCLPirhV5ETCV5QzRDQXqsPVSPajP1yJmep-4cuUy6o1KUBvvS7gGPXDTz3UOi4Nbmje-SNFH/s1600/for+sale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfj1mwvpjmMQ7GNtk9fHPOFIlRf9pebD9Fa_2KB_VO3qOWT_amCiC7Bbu8nF_wCNTN3erUCLPirhV5ETCV5QzRDQXqsPVSPajP1yJmep-4cuUy6o1KUBvvS7gGPXDTz3UOi4Nbmje-SNFH/s320/for+sale.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">Hallelujah! </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">We're NOT moving to a Mormon Mansion and I feel great about it!</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">A more skeptical person might say that the way things worked out
was all due to my stubborn nature, but a God-fearing lady, I choose to
believe it was His intervention that got us to where we are now---which is to
say, NOT moving to a Mormon Mansion. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">You see, after a lot of back-and-forth and negotiations and
compromises, I had agreed to move to the large house on 82 acres, 30 minutes
away from town. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I would get to redo
the house exactly the way I wanted with no argument from my husband and that
the superior school system was worth it--or, if nothing else, by sacrificing
what I wanted now, I'd be building stories onto my mansion in Heaven while Dom
would be consigned to the position of my celestial landscaper once we reached
the hereafter.</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">But, that didn't happen! Instead, while we were waiting to sign
back a counter offer to the sellers of the MM, a different house came on the
market and because I had been obsessively checking Zillow every 17 seconds, as
soon as it was listed, I asked our realtor to show it to us--"just so we
can check it off the list."</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">Long story short, 30 minutes after stepping foot into the home, we
put in our offer.</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">I won't go into the details of the home here, suffice it to say
that it is beautiful, with a normal amount of acreage, and close to town. Oh,
and it has a front porch (you can take the girl out of the South but you can't
take the South out of the girl). </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">But anyway, that leaves us here--two days away from officially
selling our current home and a month-and-a-half away from being able to
move into our new one.</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small; margin: 0px;">And in case you're bad at math, that's 6 weeks (42
days) where we will be officially homeless...with 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 boats
and about a decade's worth of accumulated junk. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">The buyers of this place have allowed us to rent it back for a
couple of weeks, and we have friends who are willing to let our motley crew
rent their 700 st. ft. converted garage apartment for the remainder of the
time, so the housing issue, while not ideal, is managed. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">We’re also supposed to be getting the keys for the new home at 5
PM on May 17</span><sup><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">th</span></sup><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">, which is about 12 hours before the kids and I fly
off to GA for my sister’s wedding. Again, not ideal but manageable.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">In all of this, what I have found </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">least</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"> manageable is the physical act of moving. We’ve lived in this
home for about 4 years so I am a little rusty at all of it (before this home, I
had had 13 address from the time I moved out of my parents home to landing in
this one). </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Which is why, when confronted with the task of boxing up all of
our belongings and living a nomadic existence for the next 6 weeks, I have
chosen to write this instead:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">THE FIVE STAGES OF MOVING</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">1-</span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">EXCITEMENT—</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Hello, Pinterest.
Why, yes, I will pin 4,524 idea for laundry room paint colors. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;"> </span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">This first phase is awesome because you
get to envision everything you will do to make your new home </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">yours.</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"> You imagine having holidays and
hosting supper club at your new place and see the shiny sparkle of a new home
through rose colored glasses. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">2-</span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">DENIAL – Coming off the high of the excitement is denial. </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">It’ll be fine! We have weeks and weeks to
move this stuff. I can totally do everything I want to do to the new house on
time and under budget, moving isn’t going to cost that much or take away that
much of my free time. Sure, I’ll sign-up for a 50 mile relay!</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"> WRONG.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">3-</span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">PROCRASITONATION –After a long time spent in Denial-ville, you’ve
accepted that you’re going to have to move and that it might not all be roses,
but that doesn’t mean you have to get everything packed </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">right now</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">. You need to enjoy life a little bit, go to the coast,
write a blog…It is in this phase that bingeing on a new Netflix series,
listening to an entire podcast and picking-up reading again all sound like
really, really good ideas. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">4-</span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">DESPERATION – It is T-72 hours until moving day and suddenly taking
a match to the whole thing doesn’t seem like a terrible idea, except you’ve
already sold your house and don’t want to leave another family homeless so you
start cold-calling people, begging them to take the kids for an afternoon so
you can cram things in boxes because you’re convinced that even though you procrastinated,
you’re still going to make this move happen in a mature, orderly fashion. The piles
labeled “donate” and “trash” grow bigger and bigger and suddenly you find yourself
staring at the artwork for your 3-your-olds telling yourself that they’re never
going to want to see that stuff when they’re older, and if they do, sloppy
finger painting isn’t that hard to recreate. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">5-</span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">RESIGNATION—It’s moving day and you are standing outside of your
child’s closet with an extra strength Hefty bag in one hand, and sweeping your other
arm across the built-ins to slide their clothes/crap/treasures/toys/random sock
all into the bag. </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Maybe I’ll go through
this and organize at the new house</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"> you tell yourself. Then, you kind of
shake your head and softly snort, because let’s be real. </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">And because you’ve learned nothing, you’ll experience these same emotions
when you finally get into your new home. You’ll be excited to make it yours, that
all of the moving is now behind you; then you’ll refuse to believe that your
dreams are too expensive or your kids aren’t going to wreck everything inside
of a week; you’ll pin DIY projects you’ll never actually get around to because,
well...life; then you’ll see your beautiful new home start to fade away and you’ll
implement chore charts and incentivize your kids to pick-up their crap, you’ll
pay obscene amounts of money to landscapers so your home doesn’t slide into a
Haunted Mansion aesthetic; then eventually, you’ll resign yourself to the fact
that you are a busy, tired mother and while you can aspire to one day having a beautiful,
clean, organized home, that right now it just isn’t in the cards. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">Okay, maybe I should go fill a box…</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">After I pick-up the Big Girl from school.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;">P.S.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Also, in case you were wondering, the uniform of a thirty-something
mother-of-four packing-up and </span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; margin: 0px;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">moving
households is very similar to that of an 18-year-old girl attending Bonnaroo: No
make-up, Chacos, running shorts, t-shirt, Ray-Bans and hair up in some sort of
nasty ponytail/bun/dreadlock knot. So if you see me around town, you have been
warned. </span></span></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-33211421142399169732017-03-14T12:08:00.002-07:002017-03-14T12:16:52.236-07:00How Do You Do It?!<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“How do you do it!?”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As a mom to four young children, I hear this question a lot
and my typical response it to give a smile that doesn’t quiet reach my tired
eyes and respond, “Poorly.”</span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Strangers just laugh and shake their head because they think
I’m joking, my friends laugh because they know there is nothing funnier than
the truth. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But for those of you too polite (or if we’re honest, too
scared) to ask this tired mother in yoga pants and a 2-day-old bun how she does
it, allow me to enlighten you:</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">1-<b>Low expectations</b>. I’m serious. You know how people always
say the first kid gets handled with white gloves and the subsequent kids get
less and less of the VIP treatment? Well, I never really did that. I cleaned my
first baby’s dropped paci with my own spit and popped it back in her mouth, I attempted
to dress her cute exactly once before she crapped all over the $75 baby dress,
and Home Girl definitely never had a baby book. I just didn’t hold myself up to
the impossible measures of modern motherhood and so instead I’ve embraced the “what
doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” approach. My kids’ hair gets brushed 4/7
days on a good week, we try to get their teeth brushed once a day and they definitely
pick out their own clothes….ain’t nobody got time for that when you’re trying
to get 4 kids out the door in the morning. Basically if you think you’re expectations
are too high, they probably are, if you think they’re normal, go ahead and
knock them down a rung or two past that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lower.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lower.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, right there.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">2-<b>Eat or starve</b>. This one is simple biology, people. When
faced with the option to eat brussels sprouts or go hungry, the kid will eat a brussels
sprout. Or, if they choose they can go to bed without dinner, they will get
nothing to eat until breakfast the next morning, which I guarantee you, they
will wolf down with unbridled avarice. I refuse to make anyone special meals because
they wanted the curly pasta instead of rice (myself excluded—shout out to the
miserable experiment that is Whole30!). </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">3-<b>They won’t break</b>. Okay, so technically they CAN break a
bone but beyond the inconvenience of schlepping a kid around with crutches, is
it really the worst thing? I’d rather deal with my kid’s potential injury and
use it as a lesson learned, than walk around with bubble wrap. Real talk? I cannot
understand the moms who walk around waiting to catch their precious tea cup at
the playground in case of incident... I'm judging them and</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’m working on it—my apologizes to the helicopter
parents. In this same spirit, one of my kids ate dirt for a while, I had a 2-year-old
stung by a bee and one took a swan dive out of the grocery buggy at Fred Meyers
onto the hard, tile floor. While defiantly not my finest parenting hours, they’ve
all escaped the incidents relatively unscathed. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">4- <b>Chores</b>. We don’t have a set list of daily chores yet (we’re
getting there, I’m sure) but in a typical day my kids (5,4 and two 3-year-olds)
will help unload the dishwasher, help with laundry, sweep and mop, clear their
dishes, feed the dog and pick-up their room. If we’re not in a rush, I’ll even
let the big girls pack their own lunches. I’m not here to be their servant, I’m
here to be their mother and slicing off the crust of their perfectly proportioned
PB&Js is not in the job description. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">5-<b>Humility</b>. This one is a toughie but I’m trying. As you can
imagine, with 4 small kids my house is chaotic a lot of the time and even
though I try not to completely lose my crap on these kids, it happens. But what’s
important is going to them and recognizing that screaming at them was wrong and
I apologize. I want my kids to be able to admit when they’re wrong and correct
their behavior, and how are they going to learn that if I never admit my own
mistakes to them? Now, I’m not condoning screaming at your kids—it’s like it
says in the Bible, just because Jesus died for our sins, doesn’t mean we have a
license to sin; just because it’s a teachable moment doesn’t mean we should
scream at our kids. But when you do lose your shit (we all do) it is important
to go to them with humility and seek their forgiveness. This serves the dual
purpose of modeling good behavior, and validating that they are people like
anyone else who deserve the respect of not being screamed at.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And when all else fails, locking them out of the bathroom and
drinking s glass of wine while watching Netflix in the bathtub always helps. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-69642293670512336372017-02-06T16:42:00.000-08:002017-02-06T16:42:16.150-08:00My Husbband Wants to Move Me to a Morman Mansion and I Don't Know How I Feel About ThatObviously I have some idea how I feel about it or I wouldn't be writing this blog post but I'm hoping the writing process helps me ferret out some positive energy in this...developing...situation.<br />
<br />
You see, when I got the email that we were getting an offer on our current home, I got a little choked up. This the home in which our babies have spent the bulk of their 3-5 years. And sentimentality aside, the property rocks. Our location is perfect and we actually have over an acre with a year-round (mostly) creek, 10 minutes form the thriving metropolis that is the 'Burg; so if we had stayed at the same number of kids we had when we bought this place (2), I'd never leave.<br />
<br />
But that didn't happen. Instead, about 3 minutes after moving in I got knocked up with the twins. And I love them and all their silly little boyness, but when you double the amount of children living under your roof, suddenly said roof seems quite a bit smaller. And I know as kids grow, the amount of crap they have does as well. I know that.<br />
<br />
So while I love this home, I know it is too small, and frankly there is enough about this place that we would change that I can't justify trying to corner my husband into what I'm sure would become a multiple hundreds of thousands dollars renovation. So, we decided together we'd start looking for homes.<br />
<br />
After about a 10 second conversation about moving to North Carolina which mostly consisted of me suggesting it and then my husband experimenting with how deeply his eyes could roll into the back of his skull, we started talking criteria for homes in our current location.<br />
<br />
My biggest prerequisite is that the kids have a good education, which is admittedly hard enough to come by in this rural part of America but when you start dong the math, sending four kids to private school is about on level with that multiple-hundreds of thousands dollars home renovation I mentioned. So option C? Move to the best school district in the county. (There is an option D of home schooling which I haven't completely ruled out but I'm not even gonna look into it until the boys can formulate whole sentence...so, in like 10 years it might become a legit option).<br />
<br />
The only hiccough is that the best school district just so happens to be 30 minutes away from the nearest town...the small, 20k person town in which we currently reside. <br />
<br />
"Come on! Thirty minutes?! That's nothing! People commute 30 minutes every day, all across the country."<br />
<br />
True, but those people usually pass a couple of grocery stores, a Starbucks and maybe a pharmacy or two. Wanna know what I'll pass on my 30 minute commute? Freeway exits.<br />
<br />
I'm going to have to get on the freeway to get the kids to school (15 minutes away), get to a gas station (17 minutes away) and to the grocery store (28 minutes away).<br />
<br />
I know there are plenty of people used to living "off-the-grid" like this, I'm even friends with some of them!, but you've got to remember: I was raised in the metro area of one of the 10 largest cities in America. The most off-the-grid I've ever lived is now, where I live off a gravel road and consider Marshalls THE shopping destination in town. <br />
<br />
And now I'm gonna go live in a house (albeit a much bigger house), on a bunch of acreage, in the middle of nowhere? Does the garbage even run out there? What do we do, burn it like a bunch of rednecks? And if the well runs dry, do I send the kids down to the spring with buckets or just resort to drinking my own spit because just the idea of all that work wears me out??<br />
<br />
I'm already envisioning signing the kids up for FFA so they each have an animal to raise and subsequently slaughter in order to feed the family and save on grocery store runs (I don't know, is that probably something they're gonna bring up to a therapist in 20 years?).<br />
<br />
I have a 10 year plan that I won't divulge the details of here but suffice it to say that in about a decade, you should be looking for free-range, organic, non-GMO Appalachian-style moonshine in a discerning retailer near you.<br />
<br />
I don't know, I mean I have journals from the 6th grade where I dreamt of living in a small cabin in the middle of Montana where I'd have to have supplies parachuted in so I never had to see anyone ever again. Maybe it's like that? Except of course that it doesn't account for the four humans I'm going to have to raise that hopefully won't aspire to the weirdo, Unabomber type existence I was apparently fashioning for myself during puberty.<br />
<br />
I'll say this: the house is big enough. It's not fancy at all but legend has it the family that built it had almost three times as many children as we do so it has bedrooms and bathrooms galore. Bedrooms and bathrooms I'm going to have to child-labor my kids into cleaning but they're 3, 4, and 5, they can handle a toilet wand now, right?<br />
<br />
Least you think I'm bragging about this fancy new house we're (potentially) buying, let me assure you that the word "fancy" belongs no where near the words "peel-and-stick tile" which is the primary flooring in this particular abode. They went big on space, small on finishes. But blue lament could make a comeback, right?<br />
<br />
Anyway, half of the four humans I'm raising have the flu and I'm not far behind so I'll leave it at that. I'll probably be posting more on my adventures in home buying/selling later on but for now, if you have any words of encouragement, helpful advice, or tips on where to find the best long jean skirts, feel free to leave them here. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-22638683448616922382017-01-12T06:59:00.000-08:002017-01-12T07:06:20.130-08:00Life is Like a Pit Toilet<span style="background-color: white;">In the immortal words of Forest Gump, "Life is like</span><span style="background-color: white;"> a box of chocolates, you never know
whacha gonna get."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">When we're talking parenting or motherhood specifically, we often hear how we're
"in the trenches."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">But there is definitely a stage of parenting where I say that life is like a
pit toilet; you never know when you'll be surrounded by someone </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.2" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">else's</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> crap.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">That was the case yesterday--regardless of the </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.3" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">precautions</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> I had taken (</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">obsessively</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
cleaning hands, keeping away from other sick children, </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.5" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">feeding</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> my </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.6" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">brood</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> a healthy,
balanced </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.7" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">diet</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">) I
still found myself knee-deep in the by-products of my children's </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.8" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">excretory</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> system. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">It all started yesterday when I picked my eldest up from kindergarten. I had
made plans to take her over to a </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.9" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">girlfriend’s</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
house so she could have a </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.10" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">playdate</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> with my friend's two little girls but
then my friend </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.11" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">texted</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
saying her husband had the flu and we had to </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.12" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">raincheck</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="background-color: white;">No problem, </span></i><span style="background-color: white;">I thought. As a consolation </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.13" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">prize</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">, I offered my daughter to
trip to her favorite </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.14" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">café</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
while we waited for her younger </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.15" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">siblings</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
to get out of preschool. Although she was disappointed not so see her friends,
she gamely agreed and even perked up when I offered the treat of a blueberry
muffin </span><i><span style="background-color: white;">and</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"> a lemonade.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">It was while we were sitting at the </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.16" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">café</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> enjoying our </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.17" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">snacks</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> and drinks that her face
suddenly screws up and she says "Mom, my stomach hurts."</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Now, I'm no fool. I know there is a stomach bug going around but as I have
said, I took </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.18" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">precautions</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">,
so I ask her if maybe she just needs to go to the bathroom. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Maybe." So, she goes to the bathroom. Twice. At this point a </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.19" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">different</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
girlfriend has joined us at the table and </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.20" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">suggests</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> peppermint tea.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="background-color: white;">Perfect. </span></i><span style="background-color: white;">I knew she would love the treat of a "grown-up"
drink. I order her a medium tea and get two cups so that I can cool some off
for her and just drink the rest. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Wrong. She </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.21" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">whined</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
about the tea until it was time to leave, which I deemed was right after the
started </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.22" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">coughing</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">--you
know the couch--the "My throat knows I'm </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.23" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">about</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.24" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">to</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> vomit before I do" cough.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">So, I said goodbye to my friend and loaded up my daughter and went to get
her </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.25" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">siblings</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">.
</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">We walk into the </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.26" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">school</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">,
hand in hand. My daughter has finally taken a sip of the peppermint tea and
declared her </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.27" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">stomach</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
all better so it is with a light heart that I enter the preschool room to check
out my boys. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">While they are not in the room with the sign-out sheet, their stuff is and
my light heart sinks when I see not one, not two, but three </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.28" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">plastic</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.29" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">grocery</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> bags </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.30" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">filled</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> with soiled
pants/</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.31" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">underwear</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">.
(I should mention potty </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.32" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">training </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">isn't going super well over here.)</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">So, I trudge back down the hallway to get my boys. When I enter the room
where they're playing they're </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.33" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">sweet</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
little faces light up and my train of thought shifts from that of a defeated,
slightly </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.34" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">sinister</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
woman to mother-earth, embracing my sweet </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.35" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">cherubs</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">. As I hug their little </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.36" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">bodies</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> to me, I ask
the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.37" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">teacher</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
if we can just stick with pull-ups </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.38" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">until</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> my boys are more interested in potty training.
I'm told that it is truly easier for the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.39" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">teachers</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> to deal with soiled </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.40" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">underwear</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> than a
pull-up. I nod and the teacher is truly sympathetic and because she is a saint
(like I'm convinced all preschool teachers are) she apologizes to me </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.41" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">because</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> my boys
aren't potty training. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.42" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">Because</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
it's </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.43" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">totally</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
her fault and not at all their stubborn, gross, </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.44" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">boyness</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">. I
assure her it's not her fault and start </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.45" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">herding</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> my brood out the door. That's when I see a
huge wet stain on the back of one son's jeans.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Peed-on dirty laundry: 4</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Robbin: 0</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">After I get my other </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.46" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">daughter</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
from </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.47" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">her</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
classroom (much to her displeasure) and I've corralled everyone from their
mad dash in and around the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.48" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">parking lot</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">, we head home. </span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">As soon as I get home I changed both boys and put the back in pull-ups. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I switch over the (what I had thought was last) load of </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.49" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">laundry</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> that is already in the machine
and start a new load with my son's pants and underwear. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I get the laundry </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.50" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">turned
</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">over and my eldest daughter is curled in a ball on the
couch.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Mom, can I just go to bed now?" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Sure, Kiddo. Just </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.51" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">change</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
into your </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.52" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">PJs</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and I'll tuck you in." I absently take a sip from the cup
from the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.53" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">café</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Mom, isn't that my cup?"</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="background-color: white;">Oh. Shit.</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Yup. Sorry Kiddo. I didn't realize you'd brought in your cup
too." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"It's okay, Momma."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">While she is back in her </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.54" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">bedroom</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
presumably getting dressed for bed, I ask my husband if he wouldn't </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.55" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">rather</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> just </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.56" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">order</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> a pizza since
we're having a </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.57" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">realtor</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
tour </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.58" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">tomorrow</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and we just payed the house </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.59" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">cleaner</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> today. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Don't you have </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.60" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">something</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
planned?" I close my eyes so he doesn't seem them </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.61" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">roll to</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> the top of
my head and just nod. "OK, sure. I'll just make everyone dinner too. Please
don't get up from reading your phone, I </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.62" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">g</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">ot</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> it." Passive aggression,
making marriages stronger since Adam and Eve. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I call everyone to the table after dinner is ready and once the 3 </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.63" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">littles</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
are settled, I go to check on y big girl. I find her naked, curled in a ball on
the </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.64" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">floor</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
in her room. It is definitely her stomach but also her </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.65" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">flair</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> for the
dramatic that has left her in this position so once I </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.66" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">assure</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> her that I
will get her a vomit bowl for her bedside and help her get dressed, I </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.67" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">finally</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> get her
tucked in. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">The rest of the evening passes </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.68" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">uneventfully</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and we </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.69" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">actually</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
get everyone to bed by 7:30 (I was in bed at 7:35--don't </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.71" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">judge</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">). </span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">At 7:40 one of my sons walks into our room saying he has to go potty. One of
my sons who peed his pants twice at school and refuses to potty </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.83" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">train</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> in general has come into
our room saying he now has to go potty </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Because of course.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I let his father handle it and try to go to sleep--at this point my stomach
has started hurting and I'm trying to sleep and ignore it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">8:30 my </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.99" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">husband</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and I are still kind of </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.101" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">chatting</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.102" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">when</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> we hear it: the cough.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">We jump out of bed and run to our daughters' room. She appears to be
sleeping peacefully and we are confused until the smell creeps up. I roll her
over and there is a mound of puke underneath her sleeping body. </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.117" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Apparently,</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> she also planned to go to
go to sleep and ignore her stomach. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">We </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.120" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">wake</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
her up and my husband gets her in the shower while I clean her </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.124" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">mattress</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> and change
her sheets after laying down several towels between the sheet and mattress top.
</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.132" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">Luckily</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">, the boys
soiled clothes have finished cleaning and I can move laundry again to start the
vomit sheets. I add the clothes from the dryer to the basket in my room, all
the time thinking I'll have to either fold or hid the laundry before the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.147" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">realtor</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> tour of our
home tomorrow. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Its 9:15 and I'm almost asleep when the husband and I hear it again. We
hop out of bed </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.156" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">together</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and this time swap rolls while we cleanup the second round of puke. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">The bedding from round one isn't clear yet so we put this load of vomit
soaked bedding in the hallway by the laundry area.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">This pattern happens at least </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.174" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">three</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.175" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">more</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> times that I
can remember (except my husband has fallen asleep so it's all up to me and my </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.181" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">cramping</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> stomach to
clean the mess). I'm not sure what time I finally get to sleep--I do know that
its late enough for at least one more load of </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.189" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">laundry</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> to be cycled through the washer and this
morning when they boys woke me, I went into their bathroom and saw </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.196" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">towels</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> on the floor
and a wet </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.198" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">rag</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> in
the sink. I have a vague impression of the rag but I </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.203" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">honestly</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> don't
remember touching the </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.206" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">towels</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">.
Did I lay those </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.210" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">out</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
last night? </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.212" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">Did</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> my
daughter?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I decide to grab my </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.215" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">computer</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
and write about this since I won't be going back to sleep and my stomach is
still </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.219" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">cramping</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
(</span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.220" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">unfortunately</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.221" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">my</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> kids didn't
inherit my steel-trap of an </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.227" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">excretory</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> system or this post would never have been </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.230" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">written</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">).</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Just now, as I'm </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.231" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">typing</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
my youngest daughter walks into the </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.234" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">living room</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> to watch Sprout with her
brothers. </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.238" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">She</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
comes and tries to snuggle me even though I'm surrounded by toddler boy on both
sides.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Babe, lets </span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.247" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">snuggle</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">
in just a </span><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; margin: 0px;"><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.248" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="background-color: white;">minute</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;">,
okay?"</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">"Okay…. Mom, my stomach hurts."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">#</span><span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.250" role="menuitem" style="margin: 0px;" tabindex="-1"><span style="margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Blessed</span></span></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 11px;">
<br /></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-19061915043637528942016-06-13T10:18:00.000-07:002016-06-13T13:35:12.382-07:00Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours <br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Jesus, break my heart for what breaks Yours.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The lyrics to that song ran across my mind as I was on the
treadmill this morning. I was running and watching the TV on silent with my 80’s
Pop for Runners soundtrack playing in the background and on the TV images of
the Orlando massacre kept filtering across the screen. Reels across the bottom
of the news program ran numbers of injured and dead while scenes of people hugging,
crying, bleeding all over the street played.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And my heart broke. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">My heart broke because of the people whose lives were cut
too short in a senseless act of terroristic violence. My heart broke for the
friends and families who would never get to share a meal or a laugh with the
loved ones they lost early Sunday morning, </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And then my heart swelled and I cried sweet tears when I saw
the long lines of strangers waiting to donate blood to the victims. I was moved
when I saw the montage of the signs of solidarity posted across the nation, all
in support of the victims and those affected by the mass shooting early Sunday.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As the scenes of solidarity and support were showing, there
was a sign on which someone had written, “Love conquers hate.” </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And it hit me.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love conquers all. Love rules, it wins. It vanquishes hate,
prejudice, fear. When we love someone properly, without reservation and as
equals, there is no room for any of those things.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love covers a multitude of sins. Love suffocates sin, it washes
over sin in a tidal wave that drowns sin so that all that is left is the beautiful
calm of love. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So stop the hate. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Stop the fear.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Stop the disgust.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Because honestly, I think loving someone is a lot less
disgusting than complaining about needing more stuff while I sit in my 3,000 sq.
foot, air-conditioned home.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">What’s disgusting is throwing out pounds of food because we’re
full or simply don’t want to bother cleaning the Tupperware we’d store the food
in. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">What’s disgusting is screaming at my kids to “go away for
five seconds!” because they’re wanting my attention, but I’m wanting to finish
a blog.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Loving someone seems a lot less disgusting to me than any number
of things I do on a daily basis. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Yes, I am a Christian and I believe the Bible is the
ultimate Word of God and I do not deny that it says that homosexuality is a
sin, and honestly I can’t explain it. But, thank you Jesus, that is not my job.
God does not </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">need</span></i><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> me to explain for
Him why someone’s being gay is a sin any more than he needs me to explain why
some loving couples are barren while abusive drug-addicts are able to have kids
left and right. God didn’t command me to go out and explain His ways and
reasons to others (even if I were privy to them, which I’m not). I was
commanded to make disciples of all nations and the instructions He gave me to accomplish
that was simple: </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love</span></i><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> others.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Love them like I love myself. And while there are some sins
of my past that haunt me from time to time, I do not look at myself as a dirty
sinner. I have been saved by Grace and know that but for the grace of God, so go
I. And so I will love you like I love myself: imperfectly but with the
knowledge that you are a beloved child of God.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So I will love you. I will love him. And her. And them. Because
that was what I was commanded to do. That is what He has shown me and that is
what He has asked me to do for others. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br /></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-35455708235428932312016-05-24T16:20:00.000-07:002016-05-24T16:23:10.427-07:00Trans Bathroom<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifuEvGufOpCQz4mejs2nPs9CNLb0iJs7ABGcSO0YjEdwnGixfYkxJf9pTZx51lSDSBuokdg22oxMBo9Nz5_tR3G3a9gxg74Z96nqS63HELD3zDmd2C1YGgsHZNwvGRCWXirpiobChYG2Ir/s1600/bathroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifuEvGufOpCQz4mejs2nPs9CNLb0iJs7ABGcSO0YjEdwnGixfYkxJf9pTZx51lSDSBuokdg22oxMBo9Nz5_tR3G3a9gxg74Z96nqS63HELD3zDmd2C1YGgsHZNwvGRCWXirpiobChYG2Ir/s320/bathroom.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men
are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life,_Liberty_and_the_pursuit_of_Happiness" title="Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"><span style="background: white; color: windowtext;">Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness</span></a><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">.”</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That sentence is found in the second paragraph of the Declaration
of Independence. While it is not the law of the land like the Constitution, the
Declaration of Independence espoused the beliefs that set the foundation for
our country.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the document was written in 1776, the phrase “all men”
was a little misleading because of the fact that slavery was alive and well in
the newly-formed country. Fortunately, in the 240 years since the words were
written, we have established a more holistic view of that certain phrase which
we have adopted to mean “all <i>people.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is in that spirit that slavery was abolished, women got
the right to vote, homosexuals got the right to marry, and now, yes,
transgender people get to use the bathroom they gender-identify with. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I think our government has gone amok and is legislating
things the founding fathers never imagined they would. For example, I don’t
think the federal government has any place in my marriage or my healthcare or
who I leave my vast fortune to when I die (pah!), but just because I think the government
<i>should </i>butt-out doesn’t mean they’re
going to, and the latest place the government has decided to interfere is where
I go pee. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look, I am not gender-expert and as straight, middle-class,
white chick, I own the fact that I am pretty clueless about the subject, but my
shallow understanding and view on the topic this: gender is a social construct.
It is not about having a penis or vagina but how you express yourself. Society
tells us that dresses and make-up are “feminine” while chewing tobacco with a
buzz-cut is “masculine” (for example) and my experience is that gender a fluid
thing. I love going to the spa or getting my hair done but I also love drinking
cheap beer out of a camo coozie and watching football on a Saturday afternoon.
The idea of hunting holds no appeal to me but I love to shoot a gun. I refused
to wear pants until the 4<sup>th</sup> grade and now I basically live in jeans
and a t-shirt. I love being handy and almost resent my husband when he gets to
build the kitchen cabinets while I get stuck painting them (but to be fair, I’m
not exactly a “detail” person). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get that those example are very simplistic and I’m not
trying to insult anyone with a better knowledge of what it is to be transgender,
this is just my narrow understanding and how I’ve been thinking about the issue
since the whole North Carolina bathroom-thing happened.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suffice it to say some of us identify more strongly with
what society has told us are “feminine” things while others identify as more “masculine”
and the majority of the time, biology and our interests or desires align. Sometimes,
they don’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, this isn’t a well-researched, scientific dissertation
on gender identity or even a holistic view of my personal opinions, but I felt
like I wasn’t reading a lot of articles that represented my feelings on the
issue, so I figured I’d put it out there. For better or worse…probably worse. Thanks,
internets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a conservative, Christian, mom-of-four. Because of my conservative
values, I think our government has over-stepped its boundaries time and again
and I believe this ludicrous directive from the Obama administration is just
one more thing. To be honest, I have never noticed if I was in the bathroom
with a transgender person before, and I’ve used many a unisex bathroom in the
past, so the only thing that bothers me about the transgender bathroom thing is
that it has become a <i>thing</i> at all. I’ve
heard 1000x more accounts of people policing bathrooms and being in the “wrong”
bathroom since the North Carolina thing happened than ever before and it is
idiotic. It is impossible for me over-state how I believe our first misstep as
a society was to allow the government so much leeway into our private lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a mom, I can tell you that if I am in the bathroom with
one or any of my kids, and a person peeps under the stall while my kid is doing
his or her business, I will swiftly kick that person in his or her teeth and
call the police. I don’t care if it’s a man dressed as a woman, a woman dressed
as a man, man dressed as a man or woman in a banana costume, if you’re abusing
my kid, I will f*ing murder you. Period.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I’m not in the bathroom with them (they will be in school
eventually) then I exercise my right to send my kid to a school with whose
policy I agree…or, send them to public school, whose Title IX compliance has
been protecting the rights of kids since 1972. Schools have had to make accommodations
for kids for a long time, and this includes transgender kids. It’s not like Joe Senior is going to come to
school in a dress one day and declare he is transgender so the principal will
let him in the locker room to prey on Freshmen girls; there is a difference
between someone who truly feels like they were born in the wrong body and
someone who decided he or she wants to have a little peep show in the school bathroom,
and hopefully the people whom you trust to educate your kids are smart enough
to know the difference. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Transgender people are not pedophiles or rapists, <i>pedophiles and rapists </i>are pedophiles
and rapists and <i>they</i> are not a
protected class. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve expressed my beliefs as a conservative and a mom, so the
last thing I’ll say is that why I understand the fear that comes from what you
don’t understand, I’d say we Christians are time and again picking the wrong
battle. I don’t dismiss the concerns of my fellow Christians that this is just
one more step down our society’s path toward a moral-less culture, but to them
I would respectfully say, look around you: we have middle schoolers trading sex
for Adderall; every other show on television shows people having sex and
glorifying promiscuity; drugs are rampant in our society. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think we’re headed to a moral-less society, I’d say
we’re pretty much there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which is why I think it is so important to choose our battles
wisely. Every day I pray that my kids are safe, healthy, and happy and using
the same bathroom as a transgender person does not put that in jeopardy, but
there are a lot of other things that do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How am I supposed to teach my kids that promiscuity is
dangerous and that their bodies are sacred and the giving of them should only
happen in the presence of true, abiding love when the sex-lives and naked
bodies of celebrities are splashed across the cover of every magazine in the
grocery store. How am I supposed to tell them that drugs are dangerous and can
harm them and directly impact their brain-development if doctors are
over-prescribing medication and our state government says pot is okay? How do I
teach them that money is the root of all evil when our whole way of life is
centered on the making and spending of it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All I can do is to teach them what I know—from my own experiences
and from the Word of God. And what I know is that we are called to love one
another. To personally fight the good fight of faith. Jesus always stood firm
on His convictions but never put Himself above others. His desires, His
beliefs, He never imposed them on anyone. He clung to the Word of God and lead
by example. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, when I’m standing at the pearly gates, I’d much
rather tell Saint Peter that I complacently peed next to a transgender woman
than sat idly by while my brothers and sisters in Christ were being persecuted and
murdered ½ a world away. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We live in a messed-up society, and our privilege has
blinded us to the real issues in this world—and I include myself in that. I get
overwhelmed thinking about what I could possibly do to help Syrian refugees or
people persecuted by ISIS, so most of the time I simply ignore those injustices.
And that is completely wrong and cowardly. Every day, men and women are being
tortured, beaten, starved, raped, and persecuted; in our own country, we have
such a vast wealth disparity that there are people who own multiple planes and
homes across the globe while toddlers are chained up and starved to death…but
the thing we cause a fuss over is where someone goes to pee?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not saying we can fix everything, but I just think that if
we gave a damn about the stuff that <i>actually</i>
mattered, then we wouldn’t have time to get all worked-up about where someone
goes to the bathroom and the government would have to focus it’s time and energy
on those things that are actually important instead of policing restrooms. <o:p></o:p></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-13289112676191138582016-05-04T16:30:00.000-07:002016-05-04T16:30:23.209-07:00The Lesser of Two EvilsMan, I have written like 7 pages trying to put all of these feels down into one blog.<br />
<br />
And before I start I just want to say that I don't make a habit of socializing with ignorant a*holes so no matter which side of the political spectrum you fall on, I 100% respect your right to your vote. I am not judging you--that's not my job and with 4 kids running around, aintnobodygottimefordat anyway.<br />
<br />
I am really just writing this to try and process my own feelings so I can figure out how and if I am going to vote.<br />
<br />
You have been warned.<br />
<br />
I HATE that Donald Trump is the Republican nominee.<br />
I HATE that for the first time since I was able to vote, I am considering leaving my vote for President blank.<br />
I HATE that whoever will be the only alternative to Donald Trump is so ideologically different from me.<br />
<br />
I hate all of this because I am not ignorant to the fact that men and women died to give and protect my right to vote.<br />
<br />
I don't take that for granted.<br />
<br />
But what am I going to do?<br />
<br />
I am fiscally conservative. I believe in free enterprise. While I am personally socially conservative, I honestly think a lot of those issues should be taken up at the local levels and not slugged out in the Federal government.<br />
<br />
If I had to label myself, I'd say I fit pretty squarely in the Libertarian slot, but with the corrupt two-party system we have, there won't be a registered Libertarian on the ballet for a while yet, so usually I vote Republican.<br />
<br />
But not this year. While I can't bring myself to vote for a person whose ideological beliefs are so vastly different from my own, neither can I vote for someone who clams to be the banner carrier for socially and politically conservative people, all the while epitomizing a bigoted, ignorant, lying ego-maniac.<br />
<br />
To my Christian friends who would tell me that Trump is the lesser of two evils, I would point out that this man has told the world that he is a Christian that does not need God's forgiveness. He is a "Christian" who shows his love for his fellow man by insulting them and bullying them and lying to them, all without remorse--his hateful vitriol does not allow any room for that kind of self-reflection. And while we know that that isn't what a Christian is, how do we explain voting for him to someone who doesn't? I mean, one of the biggest gripes non-Christians have is with the hypocrisy they see in our lives...is this not making sense to anyone else??<br />
<br />
The answer is that we can't explain it. It can't be justified.<br />
<br />
If we say we love God, if we truly seek to put Him first, how on earth are we going to elect a man like that to the highest office in the country?!<br />
<br />
And look, there are a number of reasons I can't support a Democratic nominee either, but it won't be because the very idea of that person makes my stomach turn. <br />
<div>
<br /></div>
I get it, fellow conservatives--if we don't put <i>someone</i> in there, it'll be 8 more years of the same, and that sounds terrible. But I don't know that it is any greater evil than explaining to my children why I voted to put a man who made a mockery of my faith--who claims to be a Christian who doesn't need Jesus--into the most powerful position in the country.Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-10062883306308838732016-03-25T14:50:00.004-07:002016-03-25T14:50:50.242-07:00Good Friday<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I've been waxing slightly philosophical today, whether it's from this migraine
I've been sporting the last 4 days or the fact that the girls were in
preschool, my headspace was such that I found myself, for the first time in my
adult life, really contemplating Good Friday.<br />
<br />
Why isn't Good Friday a bigger deal for us Christians? We celebrate Jesus's
birth with cards and gifts and a whole freaking season's load of festivities--what
do we do to recognize His death, the catalyst to our salvation?<br />
<br />
Maybe Lent if you're a Catholic or a weirdo Protestant like me.<br />
<br />
There’s a lot of hype about the Easter Bunny and eggs and hordes of
chocolate on Sunday to celebrate His resurrection, but what about his actual
death?<br />
<br />
Now, I'm not saying we should put on our party hats and bust out the
confetti to celebrate that the Redeemer of our souls was gruesomely tortured
and murdered, but I feel like it should be a bigger deal.<br />
<br />
I think that we get comfortable with our traditions though. Its comfortable
whipping out the manger scenes and chopping down a tree the Friday after
Thanksgiving, it’s nice to go Christmas shopping and wrap gifts and it's really
fun dressing our kids in gaudy Easter outfits to go play in the yard and search
for eggs. All of that is fun and good and there ain't nothing wrong it...except
it’s just comfortable.<br />
<br />
But death? Brutality and torture and ugliness? That's not something that’s
comfortable to remember, so I think that's why we as a society must gloss over
it.<br />
<br />
But if we believe that Christmas is worth celebrating as the birth of our
Savior and that Easter is worth celebrating because of His resurrection, then
we shouldn't ignore the importance of Good Friday.<br />
<br />
And that speaks to a larger problem with us Christ-followers today, especially
us American Christians: we are comfortable.<br />
<br />
We lead a pretty cushy life, even the ones struggling (and God knows there
are many of us) have it a lot better than our brothers and sisters in other
places across the globe.<br />
<br />
And our unconscious addiction to comfort means that generally we don't like
to talk about messy or difficult things. <br />
<br />
It's why we gloss over the bloody, excruciatingly painful death of Jesus and
jump straight to the bunny rabbits, and I honestly think it’s why so many
non-Christians have a problem with us.<br />
<br />
I think it could be where this idea of Christians being hypocritical comes
from. We'll stand at the pulpit all day talking about your sin or her sin
or his sin, but conveniently neglect to speak of our own. Its uncomfortable
telling people our flaws--we want to be liked!<br />
<br />
But if you are worrying about people liking you, then you have already lost
the point of your faith.<br />
<br />
We are called to cast off the desires of this world and follow Christ, not
try and conform to the expectations of our world hoping it'll get people to
like us.<br />
<br />
How <i>normal</i> was it for Jesus to wash the feet of His followers? Or to befriend
a prostitute? Or choose a tax collector as one of the ones who would spread His
message?<br />
<br />
No, if Jesus had decided he'd rather be comfortable and liked, he would have
been regurgitating everything the Pharisees were saying but trying to tint His
message so that people would hopefully catch on that He was the Son of
God. <br />
<br />
He might have lived a long, happy life as the nice carpenter next-door if it
weren't for the uncomfortable truth that He was the Way, the Truth, and the
Life.<br />
<br />
So Christians, can we try to resolve to stop embracing the comfortable.
Let's talk about the mess we have.<br />
<br />
When I taught, I'd call it having a "heavy, deep, and real"
conversation with my kids. Because once you are able to share your flaws and
share your sins and all of the uncomfortable messiness of your life with others,
the more clearly they see your need for Jesus.
<br />
<br />
If we're all so perfect, why did He have to die?<br />
<br />
Let's be honest about our messiness, let’s not forget the ugliness, and
let’s make ourselves uncomfortable because it is in the truth that Jesus is
able to work in us.<br />
<br />
Anyway...that’s a roundabout way of saying we need to remember what today
really is. What really happened and why it happened and we need humble ourselves
and to shout hallelujahs and thank yous since He took that burden from
us. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<![endif]-->Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-48658246390518208572016-03-09T14:03:00.003-08:002016-03-09T14:06:52.405-08:00Why I Chose to Write About PoliticsYesterday, a piece I wrote about Donald Trump was published on our local newspaper's website.<br />
<br />
If you haven't read it, its <a href="http://www.nrtoday.com/news/featured/21036184-113/mom-on-donald-drumpf-moms" target="_blank">here</a> .<br />
<br />
It did not go over well.<br />
<br />
Besides the whole world having done gone and lost all its chill, I idiotically forgot for a second that I am not allowed to have an opinion that differs from some of the readers of our little paper.<br />
<br />
For real, people were having such negative reactions that I almost wore sunglasses inside the Fred Meyer today Kanye-style in hopes that no one would recognize me as the person who dared share her opinion in the local paper. <br />
<br />
Look, this election cycle has everyone spinning, and I can get that. It's not exactly unique to this cycle that politics can be a divisive topic--its like that saying goes, don't talk about religion or politics at family gatherings (nor, evidently should you discuss then in local news papers).<br />
<br />
But, still, I went there...with the same vain hope that I could present my thoughts and be read as one of millions of opinions without getting hammered, as the vain hopes of the millions of other people who have stood in line at the polls, casting a ballot for a better tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Because if there is one thing many of these responses has shown me, it is that a lot of American's aren't mature enough to have the hard conversations and make the tough compromises that are necessary in-order to get this country back on track.<br />
<br />
<br />
And I get it--you're sick of compromising. You feel like you have given and given and gotten nothing back. I get it, truly. But if change is going to happen, the conversations and compromises will have to happen on both sides, and we can't do that if we're getting all bent out of shape because someone has a different opinion than ours.<br />
<br />
It would be lovely if we as a nation could come to a consensus and start building a better country for our kids, but for the reason I mentioned
before, I don't see that happening.<br />
<br />
Call me a pessimist, but when we talk about presidential nominees, I believe they are all pushing the same load of unifying crap as the other candidate. It may come from a different
animal, but all of the talk about change and unity and reaching across the aisle is all poop because people are unwilling to be disagreed
with.<br />
<br />
So whether you #feeltheBern or vote #Trump2016 or any candidate in-between, I have no doubt that every single voter is doing their part to change the country for what they hope is the better. And regardless of how you vote, that is awesome.<br />
<br />
What cheapens democracy is when someone <i>dares</i> to voice an opinion that is contrary to someone else's and all hell breaks loose.<br />
<br />
It is naive to think that one person can be the catalyst to change in our country. Change does not start at the national level, it starts with you.<br />
<br />
When debating someone face-to-face, you can choose whether to get angry and defensive or you can choose to thoughtfully reflect and then present your own ideas. You can choose to be a decent human being to your neighbor or local columnist, no matter their political or religious views, or you can choose to rant and rave at them like a lunatic.<br />
<br />
But if you're serious about politics (and you should be--voting is a huge privledge), if you're serious about having the right to your opinions, then it would be prudent to respect others when they're sharing theirs.<br />
<br />
You don't have to agree with them or respect their opinions even, but you should at the very least respect the other person as a human being. <br />
<br />
Before I go make some chicken pot pies, I just wanted to say one more thing and that is for all of you Christians reading this who are voting for Trump, I'd like to remind you that David beat Goliath with a pebble and a slingshot; God used a young, unmarried girl to be the mother of His Child--God didn't use the loudest, rudest showiest means of acclomplsihing His goals. He used a kid and a sling shot A single young girl. Time and again in the Bible we see God use unlikely characters, humble and broken people to do His will. We are admonished over and over again to have humility we are told the meek shall inherit the earth.(Look, I know I need as much help with that at times as anyone, but part of being Christian is admitting your sins and repenting. It's a cross I take up daily, but I'm trying.)<br />
<br />
<br />
And if that doesn't give you pause, Christians, then consider this: you're voting for a man who professes to be a follower of God but, by his own admission, has never asked for forgiveness from God for anything. If we don't need forgiveness, we don't need Jesus. You can't follow Jesus if you don't need Him. What could he possibly be saying that compensates for that?<br />
<br />
Alright, y'all...pot pie time. <br />
<br />
SideNote: Since I wrote a satirical piece likening DTrump to a clown, I thought it only fair to mention here that Bernie Sanders is one lumberjack beard and a microbrew IPA away from playing the Santa role in a "Welcome to Oregon" ad. Gotta love these candidates. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-22620227305962467672016-03-08T12:32:00.003-08:002016-03-08T12:32:34.674-08:00#IWD2016International Women's Day is a day to celebrate funnel cakes.<br />
<br />
Just kidding. Obviously IWD is a day to celebrate women in all of our awesomeness. It is also a call for equality for men and women of every walk of life.<br />
<br />
But for anyone who thinks shattering glass ceilings should be our goal, I'd like to remind you that there is another woman who is sweeping up the shattered remnants of what was broken--and both roles are to be equally celebrated and admired.<br />
<br />
Being awesome in the field of medicine or a CEO of a major company or owning your own business (or whatever!) is amazing, and you should be proud of your accomplishments. But that does not mean that the single mom who is working two part-time jobs at fast food restaurants isn't doing something equally amazing. Same goes for the women who choose to stay home, sometimes to the detriment of their bank accounts, in order to raise sons and daughters who will also hopefully have the incredible gift to also choose their own destiny.<br />
<br />
I think so often "women's rights" becomes such a singular focus. And that's not to say that the focus of equal pay or breaking the glass ceiling is bad or wrong--to the contrary, its wonderful!<br />
<br />
But what is even more wonderful is the ability to choose whether we want to be a ceiling breaker or a glass sweeper (or anything in between). Whether you're an unmarried professional, a married woman with a Duggar's load of children, if you're happily married without any kids or a single mom--the most fundamentl right we should all have is the right to choose. You dont' "do more" becasue you're a professional and and you don't necesseraily have the hardest job on the planet if you're a stay-at-home mom.<br />
<br />
Neither is more or better, they are different but equal. Which is the core message of IWD. <br />
<br />
Each one of us is, in some way, a product of our choices and that should be celebrated And on IWD we should advocate for women across the globe to be able to make those same choices.<br />
<br />
I hope and pray that whatever my daughters choose to do, that they do it well and are never judge for the choices they make. I hope no one ever shames them and tells them they could be "more" or that their decisions are wrong, all based simply on the fact that they are women. I hope I raise girls that are confident enough in their decisions that they don't need to belittle someone else's nor try to rise to society's definition of success.<br />
<br />
If I can do that, I'll consider myself successful.Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-40760555048375907222015-02-04T13:27:00.001-08:002015-02-04T13:45:11.423-08:00An Addendum to my DCMoms post about vaccines...Waring: This one is more true to sarcastic form and less public-consumption friendly.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nrtoday.com/news/14906703-113/to-the-parent-who-chooses-not-to-vaccinate-moms" target="_blank">Look, I tried to be nice in my NR blog post</a>. For Pete's sake, I was nice!<br />
<br />
But there were still belligerent posters telling me how my hours and hours of internet research is FAR less credible than theirs...you know, because they have as much formal medical training as I do and WAY less post secondary education. <br />
<br />
So, because I LOVE hearing from the belligerent, defensive anti-vacciners and just can't keep my mouth shut, here is an analogy for you.<br />
<br />
(In layman's terms, an analogy is a comparison between two things that, although may seem dissimilar, really have several commonalities...you know, just in case your WebMD PhD didn't cover literary terms).<br />
<br />
Not getting your child vaccinated is like driving buzzed--chances are that you'll make it home safe and sound and no one the wiser, but taking that chance is stupid and puts others at risk.<br />
<br />
In the buzzed driver scenario, you are at the bar and you realize that maybe you've had a little too much to drink. (There's been a Measles outbreak and there is a chance your kid could be exposed!).<br />
<br />
You have a couple of different options in this scenario. You could hand your keys to someone else at the bar and hope they haven't had as much to drink as you (adhering to the age-old theory of Herd Immunity), or you could call a cab and get home safe and sound.<br />
<br />
Now, for sure, there is a slight risk that the cab could wreck on the way home and you'd get hurt in the wreck (possible side-effects of receiving a vaccination). Or that maybe the cab driver himself is buzzed and hits someone on the way home (potential of shedding from vaccinations that contain live strains to someone who wasn't immunized, couldn't receive the immunization for medical reasons, etc.)...but the most likely scenario is that you arrive home safe and sound, haivng never put anyone in danger. The cab drive is like a vaccine--there are still potential risks but it is hands down the smartest way to get home.<br />
<br />
The third option in this scenario is to keep your butt at home in the first place--(this works the same in regards to buzzed driving and not vaccinating. *May I encourage those belligerent respondents or those of you without a sense of humor to take this route....)<br />
<br />Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-39132699766397037002014-12-09T17:22:00.000-08:002014-12-09T17:23:47.378-08:00Dehydration: The Untold Plight of Mothers EverywhereEveryone knows the old wisdom about new moms and sleep.<br />
<br />
Sleep derivation is the most common side effect of becoming a new mother. Pregnant women and parents of new borns hear it all of the time, "You'll never sleep again!"<br />
<br />
And that's true, for a few months.<br />
<br />
But unless you have just a terrible sleeper, by the time your child is a few months old you will eventually get back to sleeping for 6-8 hour stretches.<br />
<br />
But what they don't tell you, what people never talk about, is the dehydration.<br />
<br />
If you're preparing to welcome a child into your home, be prepared to suffer through years and years of a life without hydration. <br />
<br />
It starts before your baby is even born, with frequent trips to the bathroom. That little soccer player is practicing dribbles on your bladder and you are lucky to retain so much as an ounce of water between your hourly bathroom breaks.<br />
<br />
Then, once you deliver the baby(ies), they suck the life out of you. Literally. You have to drink gallons of water to keep your milk supply up to their constant feeding demands. For every ounce of water you drink, your baby is going to be sucking two out of you. (That's not entirely medical but based on my experience nursing four kids, I'm going to say that it's pretty close). You can NOT get enough to drink.<br />
<br />
And that's just the first year. You might think it's all water and coffee from here, but you're wrong. You're just so, so wrong.<br />
<br />
Because, let's be real, there's not a mother on the planet who actually gets to pour and drink an entire cup of hot coffee. Snagging sips of luke-warm and cold coffee between diaper changes and food spills is your new norm, if you're lucky.<br />
<br />
But let's forget the coffee, since, although it is the elixir of life, it'll technically dehydrate you and this post is about the unspoken maternal struggle of dehydration.<br />
<br />
Your kid is one, and you've stopped breastfeeding. Think you're gonna finally be able to enjoy some refreshing water in peace?<br />
<br />
Bless your heart.<br />
<br />
Your kid is one now, which means he can and will pull up on any surface in your house. Which means your cup is not safe. Anywhere.<br />
<br />
The coffee table, which would maybe be the obvious choice to you since you're hanging out with your kid in the living room, is also their favorite cruising surface. If you put a drink of the coffee table, they will knock it over.<br />
<br />
What about tall tables, you ask? You mean the one that has those nice, long legs your kid can shake like a maniac? Yea, sure, put your cup there. But they're going to knock it over.<br />
<br />
Your drink is not safe.<br />
<br />
"Well surely after they don't need to pull up on things to get around they won't knock over my cup?"<br />
<br />
No, they might not knock it over (they totally still will). But with their new found dexterity comes to freedom for their grubby little paws to be open and available to lift said cup and guzzle down whatever beverage you've poured for yourself. I dare you to leave your cup unattended while there is a three year old in the room. You'll come back to an empty cup and a hydrated toddler.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, your skin is parched and your mouth is like sandpaper due to years and years of dehydration.<br />
<br />
Is it any wonder with conditions like these that when we do get a chance to quench our thirst, we reach for the wine bottle instead of the water bottle?!<br />
<br />
Which, of course, doesn't do a lot in the way of re-hydration.<br />
<br />
So new mothers everywhere, you have been warned.<br />
<br />
You might want to register for a spill-proof water bottle...and a corkscrew. <br />
<br />
<br />Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-55668433200553724952014-12-02T18:18:00.001-08:002014-12-02T18:57:15.103-08:00We get it, you don't do Santa. Now go away and leave us heathens alone.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s December 2<sup>nd</sup> and you know what I’m already
sick of?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of the self-righteous people posting about how they “don’t’
do Santa.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, now. Before you get your panties in a wad let me just
say, whatever your family’s decision, whether to do the whole Santa thing or
not, is completely your choice and I would never judge someone for deciding
what is right for their family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I will judge someone for is deciding they’re doing the “right”
thing by taking Santa out of Christmas.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, calm down. I am a Christian. I believe the reason we
should celebrate Christmas is because it is the day we celebrate the birth of the
Savior of the World. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look, my family bakes monkey bread in a Bundt cake, slaps a
couple of candles on it and sings Happy Birthday to Jesus. I get it, it’s
weird. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all have different ways of keeping the holidays.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My problem is not how you choose to celebrate Christmas, it
is the fact that you think you’re somehow above others because you told your 3
year old there is no such thing as Santa.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are just a couple of the issues I have with this:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Firstly, you’re not consistent. If you say you want to take the commercialization
or anything that detracts attention away from Jesus out of Christmas, why are
there gifts under your trees? Are you listening to non-religious carols while baking
Christmas cookies? Sorry,I don’t remember that being a part of Mary and Joseph’s
trek to Bethlehem. I hope you don’t have any of those pagan stockings or Christmas lights. That’s
right. You probably don’t because you celebrate Christmas closer to Christ’s
real birthday, which definitely was not December 25<sup>th</sup>. After all,
December 25<sup>th</sup> is just an agreed upon date chosen by the church that
(to quote one source) “reflects a convergence […]of concern about pagan gods
and the church's identification of God's son with the celestial sun. December
25 already hosted two other related festivals: natalis solis invicti (the Roman
"birth of the unconquered sun"), and the birthday of Mithras, the
Iranian "Sun of Righteousness" whose worship was popular with Roman
soldiers. […] Seeing that pagans were already exalting deities with some
parallels to the true deity, church leaders decided to commandeer the date and
introduce a new festival.” Maybe you should let your kid write an essay on that
instead of lay out cookies for that bad, bad Santa Clause.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another problem I have with people thinking they’re doing
the “right” thing by taking Santa out of Christmas is this:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t get why you think it is a bad thing
to allow your kid to spend one month out of the year, for 6 years of their
childhood, believing in the magic that the idea that Santa inspires? You don’t
want them to be disillusioned when they find out he is really just you? You don’t
want to lie to them or you want them to understand the real miracle of
Christmas? Okay. Have you had the sex talk with your four year old? ‘Cause last
time I read my Bible the virgin birth was kind of a big part of that story. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look, our kids grow up a lot faster than you and I did
already.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kids are trading sex for pain killers in their middle school
bathrooms. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eight year olds are committing suicide because of bullying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you really htink you’re doing them a favor by telling
them that Santa is a phony?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why don’t we just give them this, just for the few years
they’ll believe in it? Any 7 year old knows how to Google, they’re read all
about the myth of Santa on their own at that point. What’s a few years of holiday
magic in the grand scheme of thing?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Santa represents the spirit of giving that this holiday
inspires.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is he God? No.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is he more important than the birth of our Savior? No way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Should our emphasis at Christmas be on Christ and all He did
for us? Of course.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I don’t believe the two must be mutually exclusive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We can teach our kids about Christ <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> let them believe, for this short, special time in their lives,
that they are the recipients of gifts unearned….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, wait. That’s salvation, not Santa.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, I guess I won’t be sending you an invitation to my
Easter Egg Hunt next spring.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last thing I’ll say is that even if you’re not self-righteous
and you really just feel like it is the right decision for your family, you’re
deluding yourself when you say, “Oh! We don’t do Santa but I’ve told Little
Jimmy not to say anything to the other kids at school!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s be honest: Little Jimmy is the one that is going to ruin
Santa for my kids. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when he does, I will judge both of you for it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-91926616225180005262014-11-19T10:12:00.002-08:002014-11-19T10:12:26.796-08:0010 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays<span style="font-size: small;">As many of you know, I write a weekly blog for our local newspaper. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">This week, I wrote about <a href="http://www.nrtoday.com/news/13872044-113/robbin-thankful-thanksgiving-blessings">choosing to be thankful at Thanksgiving instead of focusing on what I don't have. </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">While all of that is true and I <i>am</i> trying to have a positive, thankful attitude, this is the other side of how I'm really feeling:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Holidays
can be stressful on anyone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Whether
you’re attending a big family gathering where your creepy cousin Earl will be
in attendance or schlepping it 3 hours away with your brood of young kids to
sit in awkward silence at your in-law’s house, here are 10 sure fire ways of
surviving this holiday season…as long as you don’t have to drive anywhere. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Riesling</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Pinot Baco</span></span></div>
<h3 style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Chardonnay</span></span></h3>
<h3 style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Sauvignon
Blanc</span></span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Zinfandel</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Syrah</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Pinot
Gris</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Merlot</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Cabernet
sauvignon</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Pinot
noir</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Happy
Thanksgiving!!</span></div>
Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-55024892603272189562014-01-02T13:12:00.001-08:002014-01-02T13:13:12.657-08:00Last Post before D-DayThis will probably be the last blog I write before I go into labor with the boys. I keep hoping they'll make their debut early but even though I'm dilated and like 50% effaced, they're hanging in there...the stubborn cusses. If I knew my neighbors better I'd start galloping up and down our road while eating pineapple or something but they already throw us weird looks as it is so I'm just going to sit here and sulk that these boys apparently want to hang in there til the last possible minute.<br />
<br />
It definitely doesn't help that everyone has been prepping for this birth like its our first rodeo. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate all the help and warm wishes and prayers, but when you're <i>ready</i> to go into labor, you never actually do. I think I jinxed us the day I started the nursery...although, come to think of it, that was D's suggestion so I'm gonna blame that on him. Also, my father-in-law just left after staying with us for a few days in case I went into labor and had to book it 75 miles to the hospital where my specialist would deliver me--which was basically money in the bank that I wouldn't go into labor. So while, again, it was really nice having him here to help out with the girls, it didn't make my pregnancy any shorter.<br />
<br />
I really wanted to savor this pregnancy, I really did. I knew once finding out I was pregnant that it would be my last go-round and I was determined to enjoy it. Alas, I'm not built in such a way that an alien invading my body (much less two of them) is cause for celebration. I mean, it's been nice cramming whatever the heck I want down my gullet, but even that has gotten old the last few weeks. Turns out you can't really enjoy a McDonald's splurge if your stomach is being wadded into a teeny tiny little ball by 2 squirmy little bodies.<br />
<br />
And they are squirmy. At the hospital I've been going through bi-weekly NSTs and the nurses always marvel that the boys are able to move around so much...just another reason I'm considering grounding them when they come out--Momma can't sleep when the babies are performing their own special in-utero acrobatic show.<br />
<br />
It is nice that I can kind of tell their personalities already though. Baby A is a sloth and I rarely feel him move. On the ultrasound you can see he is jabbing a lot, but instead of on my bladder and lungs, hes kicking and punching his brother, who always has his butt in Baby A's face. Baby B literally falls off the NST monitor 15 times in 12 minutes because he is kicking and wiggling so much. Thankfully, at this last appointment they were both head-down, so we're hoping we can avoid a c-section.<br />
<br />
One question I get a lot is how we plan on telling them apart. A lot of people go the route of, "Oh, well I'm sure you and D will be able to tell, but how will other people know which one is which?!" Um, hello people. I'm the chick who spent the first EIGHT MONTHS of my second kid's life waiting for her to turn into her older sister. You really think I'll be able to tell which twin is which simply by looking?! Not gonna happen.<br />
<br />
Today I bought these...which I'm hoping will help for a while anyway. Do you think the nurses and doctors in the hospital will judge me if I pack them in my overnight bag?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ9RLOk2Om2YTCZfDsKNFGDO_Cz5u1m16lJeCyHfDQONdi_-j6d7OPV21IhlaCtnWREBNqRRRa9n9RIX4gWn0BF4n2xZbDVE__viqtMHEQUcPj8cKw0sUxfIBDBtD3sSdch3px5McwkX69/s1600/hello.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ9RLOk2Om2YTCZfDsKNFGDO_Cz5u1m16lJeCyHfDQONdi_-j6d7OPV21IhlaCtnWREBNqRRRa9n9RIX4gWn0BF4n2xZbDVE__viqtMHEQUcPj8cKw0sUxfIBDBtD3sSdch3px5McwkX69/s320/hello.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
And on top of that, we're not gonna do matchy-matchy on their clothes. I mean, my mother will be DEVASTATED to learn that her grandson's will not look like they stepped out of a Twins-R-Us catalogue, but if for no other reason than my sanity, I will be dressing my kids as differently as possible. I still haven't ruled out dressing one in only blue and the other in only green or brown. I'm sure that might impact their psyche or development or something, but at least they'll know their own name when it comes to discussing things with their therapists. <br />
<br />
<br />Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-38152829050181377722013-12-20T12:27:00.002-08:002017-12-20T15:59:39.671-08:00The Great Santa DebateMan! I just wrote an article for our local newspaper about how to deal with the question of Santa and your kid. It was a topic suggested to me by our editor and while definitely a worthwhile to explore, the fact that this is such a hot topic amongst Generation X parents might say more about my generation and our obsession with trying to not warp our kids or ruin their capacity to have have faith than it does a real, thorough look at how to explain Santa....IT'S SANTA CLAUSE, PEOPLE!! Do you know anyone at work who believes in Santa? Or better yet, anyone in <i>middle school</i> that still believes in Santa? I think the fact that we take it all so seriously is just another woeful indicator of the helicopter-style that is becoming more and more a trademark of this generation's parenting. <br />
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Aren't we over-thinking this a bit much?! I mean, were any of your lives ruined because you found out Santa wasn't real? (Side Note: If I find out your kid is the one who tells mine that Santa isn't real, I'm spitting in your egg nog. I'm not joking.) Oh, and kids under 10, if you're reading this Santa is totally real, I'm just bitter because I get lumps of coal in my stocking. <br />
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Anyway, writing the article, which I totally stand behind and believe, got me to thinking about some of my own childhood memories of Santa-Christmases past.<br />
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Up until we were in 4th, 3rd, and 2nd grade, respectively, my sisters and I would all pile-up in one bedroom on Christmas Eve. We slept in the same room so that we were all aware of when another one was about to make a mad, middle-of-the-night dash to the living room to try and see if Santa had come yet (because 5 AM just wasn't early enough). I'd like to say we treated this time as a reflection on all the blessing we had and that we spent the time bonding and singing Christmas carols to one another...but, no. It was a time of tense waiting and barely concealed hostility (especially aimed at our oldest sister Linz, since she was the one who would typically try to break out of jail and get a sneak-peek at our Santa swag before anyone else).<br />
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Turns out the suspicion was well placed. One year, I think it was probably Christmas 1991, we had a Santa Swap-Up. It was 5 in the morning and we were all going through our piles that Santa had left when Brat, my younger sister, noticed she had two Beast (a la Disney's <i>Beauty and the Beast</i>) Barbie dolls.<br />
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"Mom, did Santa accidentally bring me two Beast dolls?!" she asked, even more confused than usual, her red hair a mess around her freckled, 4 year-old face. <br />
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"No, that's weird. I thought each of you had a Beast doll on your piles. Robbin, do you have yours?"<br />
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I only nodded in response because I was wallowing, blissful and happy in a mound of Matel-Pepto-Bismol-Barbie pink.<br />
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"Linz, is yours on your couch?"<br />
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With her back turned toward my parents, clutching two Cabbage Patch kids in her greedy little hands, my older sister (7 at the time) goes, "No. But he brought me these two babies instead, I think." <br />
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As an adult I understand the look that passed between my parents. As a child, it was all lost on me as I started organizing dates between my new Belle and Beast dolls.<br />
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"Uh, Linz, that Beast doll was on your couch and that baby that you're holding was on Brat's."<br />
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Without missing a beat or bothering to turn around, Linz responds "No, it wasn't."<br />
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Again with the looks between my parents. "Um, Linz, I think it was. See how each baby looks kind of like each of you? Robbin has a blond one on her couch. Why would Santa give you a brown-haired baby <i>and</i> a red-haired baby and then give Brat two Beast dolls?"<br />
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"I don't know! That's what he did," she responded, still refusing to look at our parents and marching the dolls over the mounds of other toys she had yet to look at. <br />
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"Linz [instead of "Linz" her full name was used here, but I'm not gonna write that down for fear of retaliation], that baby was on Brat's couch. Give it back to her."<br />
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"No it wasn't! It was on mine. He gave it to me and I'm not going to share."<br />
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What followed was my oldest sister being dragged into my parents room for a Come-to-Jesus chat at 5:30 in the AM. There were some tears involved but eventually Brat got her baby and Linz was "forced" to take to Beast doll.<br />
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To this day Linz will swear she did not sneak out of our bedroom while Brat snoozed on guard duty and do the swap, even with video-graphic evidence that proves the contrary, but...ahem, Linz? The jig is up. We know Santa Clause. And she told you to put that doll back where you found it. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-58602081515408176642013-12-06T08:23:00.000-08:002013-12-06T08:23:04.169-08:00Joys of a Twin Pregnancy: ThreeAs I waddle uncomfortably into the home stretch of this pregnancy, I realize there are still a few joys of carrying twins that I haven't full covered. They are as follows:<br />
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1) A new understanding to the saying <i>You can never be a "little" pregnant</i>. You are either pregnant or you're not. I've heard this a million times and I agree wholeheartedly. Most of the time you hear this after the question, "How pregnant are you?" So, sure. You can't be a "little" pregnant; you can however, be doubly pregnant! With twins you get twice the number of Braxton Hicks, twice the morning sickness (which will come back with a vengeance during your third trimester btdubs) and oh, yes. You gain more weight. For most women I think it's only 10-15 lbs more but when you're already 35 lbs heavier than when you first got pregnant, every ounce is felt on your swollen cankles.<br />
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2) Preferred seating anywhere you go. Now, a lot of you might think this is common in singleton pregnancies too, but besides one or two occasions, I can't really think of a time when I got preferential treatment just because I was pregnant with my girls. But, besides the obvious fact that I've looked 9+ months pregnant for the last two months, I notice a lot of people eying me suspiciously and a little nervously when I'm in public because of the spectacle my huge belly makes of itself. What?! You mean it's not normal to see EIGHT distinct bumps travel across your gut? For the unwitting stranger I'm not 8 months pregnant with twins, but I'm about 10 months pregnant with an octopus monster that will come out thrashing madly and hitting anything in it's path. So yea, people give me a wide berth when I'm out and about. <br />
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3) Achieving goals. Specifically, weight-related goals. So many moms stress out about getting back into "pre-baby" clothes. I remember after the birth of my first I was disappointed that it took four whole months to get back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. With my second I accepted the fact that it would take a little longer to get back into my size eights, but I still kept my eyes on that particular prize. This time around? Dude, I'll be stoked to get back into my maternity clothes.I am HUGE. I outgrew maternity clothes about a month ago and since then I've resorted to sweatpants and my husband's shirts, whenever possible. And I know a lot of women are probably thinking, "Oh, that's not so bad. I wear so-and-so's shirts to bed all the time!" Well, good for you. Do you wear his L-Tall t-shirts out to the store? And when you're wearing them, do you still show that sexy 4 inches of "midriff" that isn't covered by the panel on your maternity pants and where your husband's shirt wont reach? No? Just me? Great.<br />
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4) I have a new (if somewhat limited) range of motion. Not only am I huge, I am also extremely awkward. Honestly, I just tried moving my left arm across my body so I could sit my coffee cup down on a table at my right, and I couldn't make it happen! No joke! I have one kid stretching out his body like he's getting ready for the high jump across my rib cage so any lateral movement is pretty much out of the question. As is bending over to pick up the girls crayons for the 235,434th time because Mr. Sprawl-and-Flex is laying on top of his brother, Stretch Armstrong who is alternately curled up in a "V" position and laid out like he's lounging poolside at the Wynn in Vegas. You think I exaggerate? Even my seasoned doctor was shocked at the positioning and sheer movement of these kids. <br />
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5) No-stress naming. This part comes only after you have stressed about it though because silly you, you undertook naming you twins with the same gravity you did your singleton. I was there for a while, I wanted meaningful names; names that said something about who I dreamed the boys would turn out to be. Rookie move. 'Cause I've figured out I'm carrying two kids, and they can be grateful that I've lugged them and their huge, acrobatic selves around this long. I fully intend to feed them and dress them and love them and all that jazz, so I honestly don't care anymore what their names are. My favorite suggestions so far have been Bo and Luke (Dukes of Hazzard) and unless the husband comes up with something different, that's what we're going for.<br />
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We hopefully find out on Tuesday next week if we have to deliver these kids earlier than expected because of their kidney issues. If so, we'll still have a couple of weeks to get the naming thing down. And I have two more weeks so I'd imagine I'll put on about 15 more pounds between now and then. And then I'll have them. And I'll never, (Oh, Lord, please!!!) never be pregnant again. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-19972508679927636092013-12-02T19:25:00.003-08:002013-12-02T19:27:27.847-08:00Oh...And I hate this b*$#h.<br />
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http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/mom-under-fire-post-baby-body-selfie-215700858.htmlRobbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-38739655375207034082013-12-02T19:17:00.001-08:002013-12-02T19:17:16.664-08:00Mealtime at the Ol' HomesteadYou know what never gets old?<br />
<br />
Line going, "Uh! Ugh! Eh!" when she wants something. Really, its music to my ears. I especially love it when its accompanied by a chorus from Big Girl that is some rendition of, "Me too! Me too!" Usually this lovely song is a prelude to mealtimes, or snack time, or anytime I'm in the kitchen and there is a potential for food to be shoveled down their gullets. Seriously, I better not let them catch me walking near the pantry.<br />
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Recently, it has come to our attention that this little song and dance will only get louder with the addition of two squealing newborn boys. Newborn boys who will (God willing) turn into demanding little toddlers themselves. My dad often likes to remind me that boys eat more than girls to which I quickly respond that I have no ordinary little girls, only 16 year old boys trapped in the bodies of my one and two year old female children.<br />
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My dad's helpful comments have started to get D and I thinking, though. You see, we're still cushioned sweetly somewhere between denial and ignorance that, in about four weeks, we'll be proud parents to two more little bundles of pooping, sleepless joy. And about 6 months after that, we're going to have to feed them something other that what comes out of my sadly, irreversibly deformed post-childbirth body.<br />
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With Big Girl I was really good about pureeing food and freezing or canning it (I know, first-time mom much?!) and even with Litlte Gril I would puree whatever we were eating and let her work on that. But again, we're not dealing with typial little girls. They both eat more than I do (and y'all, I'm pregnat with twins) and Little Girl often finsihes whatever her sister doesn't. They were in the "baby food" phase for about two months, max. Big Girl had a full grill by the time she truned one, even cutting her molars early so determined was she to enjoy "real" food. And Little Girl, well she just now got her 8th tooth but by month 6 she made it abundently clear that the only way we'd get her to be quiet at mealtime was to chunk off a piece of steak (or whatever meaty protein we happened to be eating) for her to gum to death and just pray she didn't choke on the whole food she insisted on getting. (And if you're thinking a 6 month old can't insist, you have clearly never met out littlest sweet angel girl).<br />
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So here we are, at the cusp of being a family of six and already I am stressting about what I am going to feed Thing One and Thing Two. Firstly I have to figure out how to get them food safely without their sisters noticing. (I also have to worry about their older sister eating them, but that's not really a part of this conversation.) Then there's the bigger question of what we'll feed them and how. I'm not talking about spoon versus finger food either; I'm tlaking about financially, how the hell are we going to afford two more mouths, especially if their appetite is anything like that of their sisters.<br />
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If I was confident I'd have normal babies then I probably wouldn't think about any of these things (well, minus the Little One wanting to eat them) but I hold myself under no such delusions. If I have two little girls who can eat their parents under the table, how much worse will it be with two little boys? Is my dad right? Will they eat more than my girls? Is that even physically possible?! And if so, that leads to my bigger question of where will D get a second job? 'Casue right now we're living comfortably, but if we have to feed two more appetites like those of our girls, we're in serious trouble. Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1724943047431478097.post-63577634558229321092013-11-06T08:01:00.001-08:002013-11-06T08:01:21.576-08:00Joys of a Twin Pregnancy: Part TwoThis pregnancy keeps getting more and more fun. I have decided not only should there be block on all medical websites (I'm looking at you, WebMD) on pregnant ladies computers, but the Google search function should be disabled altogether. Every time I go on that sucker and type in "___ Weeks Pregnant Identical Twins" the first 12 hits are some variation of "I delivered my identical twins at __ weeks." Thanks, but no thanks. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for not being pregnant anymore, but at this point the babies would have some serious health issues to overcome if they were born now. Not to mention the nearest NICU is about an hour and a half away from my house and my two girls...not an ideal situation to say the least. The earliest the kids could be delivered locally and potentially get to stay here would be at about 36 weeks, or January 5th. So maybe if we all visualize that date in our minds, that's what we'll make it to! While we're at it, let's also visualize a healthy, uncomplicated, easy labor and delivery. And what the hey, while we're visualizing, let's all think of a 7 layer chocolate cake a la mode, resting beautifully on my dining table. Let's work on that last one first, shall we?<br />
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Besides all the positive, feel=good stories out there about delivering 10 weeks early, there is also the uninvited commentary from strangers at the store/on the sidewalk/any place my feet touch the ground. This weekend I was in line at Fred Meyers and a lady smiled knowingly at me and asked when I was due.<br />
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"January."<br />
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Her face <i>dropped</i>. "Are you having twins?!"<br />
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"Actually, yea."<br />
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"Oh, good! You look like you're about to pop."<br />
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Thanks, lady. Way to ruin my impression that I looked like a supermodel.<br />
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Or then while we were trick-or-treating I go this from another pregnant lady (clearly, someone who should know better).<br />
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"Oh, looks like another November baby!"<br />
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"January actually, but they're twins so yea, I look about 9 months pregnant."<br />
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Again, her face fell. Then she looked to my one and two year old and goes, "Ugh, twins! How are you going to manage that?! That'd be terrible. I couldn't manage."<br />
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Thank you.<br />
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But there is a plus side to the size too. A lot of times, after people have picked their jaw up off of the floor, they say something like, "Wow, for having twins you look great!" Looking past the ovbious qualification that I look like crap if I was only pregnant with one baby, they say this like I'm supposed to be housing a small contingent of Russian circus performers under my enormous girth. Granted, Line will sometimes disappear for a few minutes only to surface from under my "bump," but I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna have to register my gut in its own zipcode before this pregnancy is all said and done.<br />
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I hope.Robbin Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04779030408626438762noreply@blogger.com0